prepare to: READ!! (seriously, way long.)

CHAPTER! ONE!
(they are tabs so you can stop and come back. JUST LIKE A BOOK OH MY YES!)

one day tyler played frisbee. he met up with his homies jef and john, who had recently stocked up on goodies and flavoured water in preparation for their 16 hour journey to colorado. very little was known about the trip, except that white water rafting was the expected forcast of awesome for that specific weekend. they left the city of calgary at about 9ish pm, and migrated south towards the border. jef was sleepy so it was not long before tyler and john were deep into discussion about life love and the things that irked them to destroy things. they bonded, and they became tight as two fingers crossed. eventually the border came near.

"I'll bet you he'll be a dick." said john, confident about his american border patrol stereotype.
"No way! Just look at him laughing it up with the SUV right in front of us. This'll be cake." thought tyler, through his unshakable fear of authority.

instantly the guards emotion turned from smiles to frowns as 3 teenage looking adults drove up to the gate, nervously if a car could do so. he asked where they were going, what they were going to do, and where they had come from. 3 canadians and one with an american passport and no proof of residency... what a treat at 1 am for this lucky guard. with some personal penetrating questions, he came to the conclusion that these adolescent adults could do no harm even if they wanted to, so he released them without further questioning but with further scowling.

"He was a dick." with an arrogant tone rang john. who then fell asleep. but who would wake up without knowing and turn the music down a touch, almost consistently for a few hours. tyler thought it was a slight bit of adorable and let it slide. eventually the great montanian city of great falls came up, and tyler passed the driving torch to jef after his 5-6ish hours of work. 3 hours later he awoke to a beautiful badlands sunrise with jef on the side of the road, pleading to be let back asleep, for the mountain pass he had chosen was stressful and slow, with many animals taunting him with death. being a control freak, tyler accepted his position as primary driver once more and headed east towards beautiful billings. but its not beautiful, is it. it was a hand wobbler...

as sheridan, wyoming was the point where john took over driving from tyler, the sun had come up and the lack of air conditioning had made emily quite the heat filled submarine. tyler woke up from a several hour nap drenched in sweat, cursing the daylight hours for their unforgiving downpour of unsolicited light into the cabin of emily. there was much mild swearing for a time before drivers switched once more, at a small town just outside of colorado name cheyenne. subway and walmart were had. with amurican cheese.

CHAPTER 2

eventually the trio made their way through the sweltering city of denver, at 15 miles per hour, in the orgy of rush hour traffic. sights were seen from a distance and with no pictures, and feet were parked outside of windows. cute girls were spotted then ignored, and later rather than sooner, the sweet mountain paths of the rockies en-route to buena vista were bought an sold with their souls. there was no cell phone reception.

the small truck town where john nearly erupted in his pants because of bladder stretchage was a small truck town with nothing but toilets and coffee. the weary boys thought it was buena vista itself. but then found out that it was not, nor were they even on the highway 24 yet, so they buckled back in for what they thought would be at least another 20 minute drive. 2 minutes and 34 seconds later, they arrived in buena vista, and settled into a coffee shop... where tyler contemplated peeing more as well as entertained thoughts of frisbee.

later, WHILST enjoying the freedom of an open feild with some frisbee! and... other ball related sports... not disc... related... there was a run-in with a local involving the who and what of the boys in the location they were at. it was friendly and the girl was cute. they felt welcome and excited immediately. they thought perhaps they could one day become locals, and confront strangers in a way that would make them think this was the friendliest place on the wester hemisphere. so far, it was. (note from the narrator- I do not remember typing 'so far, it was.' its a rogue sentence and materialized from nowhere.)

after some bowling for balls with a basketball, tyler's friend katie showed up. they had been friends in michigan and was the reason they had made their way down to buena vista, as she would be taking them white water rafting on the coming sunday. katie had said she would show them where they could camp for free, but since it was late, dark, and starting to get cold, she allowed them to set up a tent outside her house. what they did not know, was her house was infested with 22 beautiful christ following river guiding girls, whom the boys would eventually meet 60ish% of. it was then that they became the tent boys outside of the red house. (let it be known that infestation is no longer negative, as anything can be overrun by goodness. ie: mitch hedberg's classic koala bear infestation. not bad, magical. and cuddly. why do they have to be so f***ing cute. and so far away from me.)

there were a few girls roaming the kitchen, and they were rad. the men (because around real women the boys transformed into men. not yet BA men, but men nontheless.) set up camp and crashed hard into deep sleep.

C 3 (break for a banana or two.)

they awoke to being very freaking hot. the tent had become a sauna, and -30 degree sleeping bags soaked up the heat like soft rock fans on the new coldplay album. it was the start to a beautiful day. katie and the red house girls (for as previously stated but not explained, it was called the red house. because at one time it was red, though now it was brown.) had gone off to their daily duties, and john jef as well as tyler bathed each other in sunscreen and set off across the streets in search of everything mandatory to the human body. minus showers.

breakfast was had at the roosters crow, or caw, or tail, but something involving rooster. katie came off from work and joined them and they talked about canada and rafting and other gettingtoknowoneanother stories. it was clear to be a fantastical day/weekend/fantasy life. she had given them directions to either climbing possibilities, or lakes of the twin-ed nature. after an amazing drive to the lakes where swimming may or may not have happened, they spent awhile skipping and hitting rocks with large sticks which then turned into a mini photosesh with jef' amazing camera. it was too cold to swim. but just right to bathe (dude is that seriously a word? dope.) in sand.

the absolute freedom they had turned into bold inquisition of how long they could stay there, and if not, what they could do in the limited time they had. it was clear tattoos were a strong desire, but only john had the design, money, and social urgency to conjure up an appointment. it was set for monday at 1pm, therefore it was also decided the men were going to take tuesday off from work as well. nobody dared care enough to doubt that decision.

they headed back to their adopted field to partake in daylight frisbee, as the previous night had been almost disappointing with the amount of cold and poor visibility. much to their suprise, there was a large bunch of youth tossing around a single disc, in clear preparation to partake in a game of ultimate. an invitation to play lead to jef and john enjoying their first game of frisbee, while tyler merely drooled in anticipation for the game to start. he's much like a puppy that way it had appeared. (ratio of excitement: dog-> tennis ball or walk = tyler-> frisbee (or maybe hand holding)) Jef quickly and quietly fell in love with his mark, a petite brunette in a yellow shirt and a habit of bumping into him while being defended. john was tall. tyler tried to be humble. it was later discovered that the group was enjoying their day off from a work camp at a young life location, so brothers'n sisters'n christ bondages were made instantly.

chapter C H A P T E R chapter 4 F O U R 4
(the rediculous length of this story weighs heavily on the sould of the author, who doesn't think anyone will read in one sitting, as already it has taken 3 sittings to write. but. eventually... it just needs to be written and documented. lest we forget...)

FIBArk (http://www.fibark.net/SubMain.asp?ID=2) was an unexpected unplanned very welcomed part of the journey. katies excitement quickly was passed onto the boys, who's overwhelming desire to stay was only getting strengthened by every minute of awesomeness that they were fortunate enough to partake in. jef captured some amazing photographs which he has promised to one day show someone. white water kayaking is not nearly as popular as it should be. sonic food eating contest followed, with a draw between tyler and jef. both felt ill. both felt it was worth it. splotchy sunburns and sore feet were granted to everyone on that day.
the next stay started the same as saturday. sweaty, with a not so subtle hint of needed bladder evacuation. mixed with the anticipation of rafting later in the day, it was an easy wake up for all 3 minus john, who is a sleep hound. tyler and katie met in the kitchen to discuss the plans for the day, which to the readers isn't a big deal at all, but with the men's ignorance of the situation it was necessary. then they bought cereal and goodies. the theme song of the trip was then created, as john could not stop singing they few verses he knew, but at the same time the ones everyone knows so everyone sings. if ever there was an extended amount of silence, the song was sung. (the song was a U2 song that currently escapes the mind of all participants.) singing and walking towards an unknown destination, they again dared to think thoughts of rebelling from calgarian society to dive into the life of a buena vista...ian. buena vistan. yes.

the time came for rafting preparation and self motivation to get prepped for rafting. it was not hard, and bladders were tri-emptied to make sure no fear would show. the waiting seemed immensely difficult to swallow, but many minutes later they launched and began their 10 mile float down the river. katie had made it clear she was in full buisness guide mode, and her love for the river was clear to all. even the river. who shows its platonic love for her by trying to kill her. the first five miles were calm, thirsty miles in which they naive boys were prepped for the river's rage that lay ahead. any thoughts of wanting babies or wanting to make babies were shattered by the surge of water that flowed over hidden boulders of death and katie's enthused shouts of CMON! forward hard!. jef and tyler in the front of the boat were bombarded by splashes of cold, bacteria free (in theory) river water. laughs, shouts of adrenaline, lead them through the first set of rapids known as the stairs. (but probably not as the author was to focused on not dying to remember the names of the beasts) they had tasted rapid and it was exhilarating.

the most memorable rapid section for the now BAMF men was known as the zoomflume. (80% sure.) mainly because they had not anticipated having a stronger left side and had spun around to face the rapids sideways backwards and scary-as-hell-wards. their naivety let them have fun while katies knowledge of what can happen in rapids gave her riverstress. eventually they will know what it looked like. the rest of the rapids gave equal amounts of man-juice to the boys, as well as commanded even more respect for their fearless guide. it had been a fantastic experience and has strongly left them wanting more. after the excitement and adrenaline had given way to enthused exhaustion, and after a 2 hour car siesta in which they once socialized with a kool kat named jordan, they ventured off into the town once more, aimless, and cherishingly. they were romanced by the town and AGAIN got lost in thoughts of moving into this simplistic lifestyle that called to them. this is also when their bitter thoughts turned into happy hopeful thoughts that allowed them to return home happy and hopeful that they could continue in these outdoor pursuits and relationships.

le chapitre 5

being in their final night, they boys wanted to socialize with the awesome 22 of the red house. thought what was not thought of was the busy and everpresent agenda's of the employed. they sought to play pee spoons with whoever, but were for the time dissapointed. but as more came home with willingness to stay up and socialize, the boys quickly thrust their joys upon conversation with whoever would have them. jef fell in love again with an american french major who also desired to go to france. john got to know some male rafting guides better and tyler sat an listened to funny conversations in the couch room. to them it was the perfect night to stay up and talk late into the night to recap their great day and night and spoon.

while some goodbyes were said the night before, they knew the fun goodbyes were approaching and not even john struggled to get a grip on consciousness. first things first were to gain access to more supplies for the journey home which they knew in their hearts would take them less time. they just knew. 20 hours max. its like esp or something they all shared. (which turned out later to be just about 20 hours! shocked face oh my) the entry to the kitchen was met with SHIRADES! and participation was necessary for their captive milk. not really, but they wanted more social interaction with the girls, and shirades with strangers was the best way to show they had no embarrassment towards misguided direction. it was a precious morning and once concluded it was decided letters were to be written to the girls and katie. after 30 minutes of writing and critiquing each others lame words of thank you, they officially said goodbye to the girls of good and took off. to the field to play more frisbee.

once the anticipated hour of 1pm rolled around, johns stone faced emotion showed tidbits of excitement for his ink, while tyler and jef showed reasonable amounts of excitement for him joining the inked club, considering they were leaving what they didn't want to and were plain old tired. his tattoo artist was a woman named kim, who had been in the buisness since the 70's. maybe not as an artist, but definitely as someone awesome in the 70's. she told stories while another artist BSed jef into many stories of awesome falseness, and he + tyler = drawing done. excited tattoo's that yearned to be put into skin. Kim was married to the head artist, and their genuine love for tattooing was present when Johns leg was completed, as she puppy excitedly rushed to her husband to show him what she had done, like a child doing a drawing would show their work to a parent. it was adorable and they all agreed people of this passionate caliber were definitely preferred to the 'next in line please!' tattoos that were given to jef and tyler. not doubting the work they had gotten, but the appreciation for something spectacular. genuine was the title for the town of buena vista. the drive home was uneventful, minus an almost accident in the pants, as well as tyler killing a bird. but it wished to die because it flew under his tired and erupted into feathers behind the car. a good death.

the trip was rated 5 hang looses out of 5 hang looses.



trip things you should know.

#of minutes playing frisbee:
approximately 312

#of girls fallen in love with:
Jef- 4 or 5
John- none, by choice
Tyler- 2-3ish

music most appreciated:
Florez
Guster
Safetysuit

music that should have been more appreciated:
Racoon
Alexisonfire

# of extremely gay comments:
uncountable

average height:
5'8"

gas is way cheaper in the states. if we were to convert, it would be about one dollar.

ya'll said by non-southern people is cool. and acceptable. and applicable. why must we stick with 'you guys'.

comedy is only funny if there is more than one person awake, and that person must not have heard it before. also: 3 albums of dane cook straight is too much dane cook.

bottles, glasses, or cartons of chocolate milk consumed: 8

pink roads and death wish birds

things i have learnt/pondered while in the shower 4 1/2 minutes ago.

such as things could be worse... IF

say you were walking around naked. your roommate/father figure/phys-ed teacher walks in. you COULD'VE been crab walking around naked.

say you choked on an apple core in a fit of mouthly pride trying to show up steve the pear-core eater. you COULD'VE been sniffing a strangers hair and accidentally huffed it into your nostrils, making the situation both awkward and hostile.

lets say you expected someone to be naked when you walked in a room, but instead, you were dreaming, and you woke up in a grove of apricots with no shoes and the ground was icky and sticky. you COULD'VE been strapped down to an ironing board and had a comb tickle you until the point of urination.

say you have sex and get herpes. you COULD'VE gotten someone pregnant. but. sucks. now you have herpes.

say you miss a chance to give will smith a high five. you COULD'VE missed a chance to hug jack black.

none of this has ever happened. to me. and to those it has... sucks. now you have herpes.

ceasar salad is the only salad i acknowledge as 'complete'. it completes me. with bacon.

if i were to have a salad-off with anyone, i'd choose my mirror self so i could eat 2. solidified water never tasted so good before. thats right, i write about what i eat. its a moment of glory, independence, and self gratification (stifles laugh.) the croutons are as crispy as the morning air after the first frost, which so happens to have happened many months ago and will happen many months from now. the in limbo which i have been faced with has wrapped itself into a burrito of pure joy and has thrust itself down my throat so i can taste its pleasantness. mmmmmmmmm freedom! the subtitles constantly surrounding me would now say 'food affects this fool in moments of hygienic disintegration; for he has eaten like crap this day and now healthy food brings bodily melodies of thankfulness.' but can you really call bacon ceasar salad healthy? better than bear claws cereal and anything else from my for fun job. the tracers in my brain tell me to write something worthwhile and poetic, like 'the piercing green light fought its way to my eyes through the harrowing darkness to display a message of hope' except the message is just go... theres hope in that if you think green lights lead you to anything more than other green lights. WHOA i just blew my own freaking mind. my ears are bleeding and i'm low on q-tips. drats, my salad is gone an now i'm homesick and miss my brothers.

i had an odd craving today... it was for beer. JUDAS! i screamed at my body.