hey you know what was super emo?

that last effing post. cripes. you shoulda seen the one before it i DIDN'T post. 'disappointed' is what inevitable future tyler will probably say. i've created this tension for myself... where i feel like i NEED to be doing something productive or destructive, yet i'm trapped in the laziness of reclining against a pillow in my perfect bed. i can't break this tension with anything and the only median to the situation is dreaming. so when eventually, again with inevitably, and hopefully in the morning when i get up i can use my preemptive plotting to emptive my way into doing it when i am able to will myself to do so. on all fields. new plan. tomorrow is the day of production. the day of chaotic disruption for the sake of my own peace, clarity and revolution. claiming it now so future tyler can change his disappointment into bold nods of approval and acclamation. i plan to be elated by friday.



this is a good example of me walking on artistic eggshells.

can you suppress something that is compressed? or depressed? oh damn too deep...

wake this shit up

i'm not tired but i'll sleep anyways. why is there joy in awakening and merely escape when sleep comes...

i used the same plate for tacos, waffles, and pie.

industrious, thy name is mine. but most likely just lazy... who has the TIME.

i just took a nice random long walk near/around the river with my friend rachelle, and my hands are cold. as a 600 - 1000 word essay is due in 16 hours, i need to warm up my hands enough to type quicker and more accurately than this current speed. not like i NEED the 16 hours to get it done, it'll take 20 minutes i'm sure, but i need a ratio of 3:1, slacking - productivity, if i'm gonna get it done without disgruntled words. teachers frown upon angsty unjustified writing of passion rather than informed academic response.. BUT IT'S JUST HOW VERTIGO MADE ME FEEL!

no... no i lie.. but to balance out 'required' writing with nonsense it one of my greatest joys.



BENCH!

need a break. i already started getting overly judgy towards other peoples perception of this movie.

apparently i am someone who favors the side of a co-ed existence. i don't find girls with other girls to be a good time, nor do i find an overwhelming presence of testosterone at all fun either. guys with guys get loud and proud and unjustified, while girls with girls (often, as a generalization through observation) slide slowly towards a less intellectual, hen-ish attitude. both are loud, dumb, and annoying. while i can cope better with the obvious male side of it, i know surely that a solid mixture is what makes me socially happy. here is what works for me:

one on one - one boy, one girl. this does not denote a specific intention towards a suspected expectation, but rather a good quality time getting to know the subtler sides of either more genuine individual. there are obvious dangers, but who doesn't like playing with fire. honestly.

the trifecta - three boy, one girl. while yes, there is an unequal amount, the girl in the group balances out the testosterone levels of the boys, as now they don't necessarily have to behave, but they aren't trying to one up each other in an attempt to puff out their own insecurities through a masculine agenda. she may feel security as well as a sisterly/motherly protection over her (though no ownership intended or acknowledged) boys, thus less influenced into being catty or that secret keeping kind of girly where you can hear them talking but never get to participate because really, you don't exist. the opposite of this scenario is good on paper, but so quickly turns into the boy longing for a male companion and any excuse to escape the bombardment of neglect or lack of interesting man-brain muscle moving. because lets face it, if there is a boy and three girls, there is no way he's dating any of them, and if he is, he's whipped. waPSHHHH (the extra 'h's are the sound of his dignity echoing off the walls of the pants he left hanging on her doorhandle).

three + on both sides - is a party. there is no need for social constraints or nurturing attitudes. primal functions kick in, and all is socially beneficial.

anything in between has delicate variables that cannot be properly projected into a formula for a good interaction.

WOW see what happened?! i turned that movie watching angst into an aggressive analysis on gender. a very generalized one... that isn't real life. just some life.



i knew we were all angels. i just knew it.

it turns out as i daily pour tattoo related influences into my brain, my skin begins to ache for another inky injection. since i have a job, it is easily financially justified and the only thing holding it back is the stages in between knowing what i want and booking an appointment. namely, journeying to the destination and talking to someone. either way... it's gotta happen.

shit i love homework.

seriously. gravity IS metaphor.

it's time for me to get pumped about movie watching again.

october-

the social network. what. david fincher did some cool stuff and jesse eisenberg is awesome. like i'm not gonna see a movie rotten tomatoes gives 97%.

jackass 3-D. i despise 3-D. so i'll go out of my way to see it in 2-D. but if the exponential gain in awesomeness that happened in between 1 and 2 happens for 2 and 3, this one is gonna be ridiculously amazing.

monsters. it could be an exact replica of every other sci-fi horror film that's been or is being made, but the trailer looks intense. and dystopian adventures always intrigue me.


november-

due date. zack galifinakis slays me. ever since 'out cold'. i didn't care for the hangover but i'm stoked for robert downey jr and the slayer to be together.

127 hours. at first i thought this was gonna be awful, but seeing a new trailer and having high optimistic expectations for my favorite director, there's no way i won't go see this. i'll go alone if i must.


december-

black swan. though i probably won't actually see it because i like smiling and feeling joy.

tron legacy. i don't even care if i haven't seen the first one. i will. and then i will see this one. trailer makers are the most influential artists around...


also:





i can use this for an art piece somehow... comment on my gender or generation.. or stage in life... either way. yeah!

look mom! i'm researching! i'm researching!

a lot about the situationist international. turns out they are my ideal 'political' group who avoided classification and warred against consumerism and capitalism. graffiti in the '50s with statements like 'work is the blackmail of survival'? rip out my heart and shove in social idealism along with Jesus why don't you! i don't need to be a part of an organized anything to desire intentional community and genuine interaction and relationship, but it sure helps knowing i'm not alone in the pursuit. i don't need to paint anymore do i...

thongs just aren't attractive to me.

so you can see some bum. so what. spankies are the way to go. i feel a hitchcock-like attitude towards attraction is more fun anyways.

school continues to be a vacation from work, so i have not been treating it as such... which is a mistake because 4th year SHOULD (in theory) be pretty demanding. instead i spend most of my time pondering ideas and 'researching' items of interest or drawing tattoos... and while all fully practical and useful methods of being productive, at the end of the day i need to feel like i've done something. i hate it but i need material progression to feel like i've achieved something, regardless of what it does for society or me. sometimes a step in the right direction isn't enough.

my new teacher asked us to write quickly what we were doing with our practice. since she shattered my perceptions of what was work two weeks ago, this is all i could produce.

-i’m trying to find joy and relevance within my work. i’m floundering in an aesthetic world of anarchy and trying to maintain an attitude of intention and purpose; while being sucked in by the gravity of a justified apathy. any attempt to be self aware makes me feel more selfish in my pursuits yet at the same time that same acknowledgement reeks of a plea for attention. what happens when i cut the chords connecting perspective and motivation? i’ll admit to being lost knowing i have no plans on being found. the classification of a paradox would be TOO fitting and attainable. i’ve gotta live in disruption..-

it fits mighty well into other aspects of life as well.. but the point is art IS life and life is meant to be shared and pondered on. really i no longer have separation between academics and life, as i choose to disregard academia as a necessary component to ENRICH my life, therefore living is doing and breathing is merely continuing.