i ate six cheese buns today. what did YOU eat six of.
and thoughts like these have been running rampant in my head for weeks- NAY! years. since mother f***ing lovely facebook came onto the scene and started the social networking obsession that so easily consumes my mind. then it got worse when they introduced the STATUS! in which i try to uphold a decent level of creativity mixed with current thoughts activities and desires straight from my selfish shouting fingers. i often hold on to thoughts for hours, cradling them in my brain arms gently so that i don't drop them and lose them or break them or bend them into thoughts not as crisp and hilarious as when they originally generated. i need to get some of them out of my system. throughout this day. and night.
it's you and me tonight tomato soup. and loud music. and painting.
just had a burp that was... dare i say.. delicious? sometimes magic happens with the right combination of foods and liquids. this will never/can't ever happen again.
months later, finds his eraser. in it's right place. but where did his mechanical pencil go? this is not justice.
wanted: one bed with cup holders.
i know the bitch for this sitch
ms pascal, i've been odd, and i know that i've been odd, and i want you.
oh yeah.... that's why i haven't tried making an omelet in 2+ years...
OMELET REDEMPTION! i am amazing.
and so on and so on...
Jul 19, 2010
a combustible house of cards COLLAPSING
affirming and allocating all associated agendas after all... alternatively adjusting amorous attractions? argumentative accusations allowing ASTOUNDING answers.
zealously... ZAPDOS!
and everything in between.
zealously... ZAPDOS!
and everything in between.
Jul 17, 2010
Jul 12, 2010
your stereo is in my bed
i had some wonderful moments of gratifying my musical guilty pleasure the other day. i rapped and sang along with fred durst for a glorious 4 minutes, and awarded myself a smile of satisfaction as i busted out those lyrics like i wrote them. i realize some songs i don't ever pay attention to the words, and i often wonder if someone actually listened to the mumbles and open mouth 'hmmmm's that come out of my mouth when i 'sing along' with the beats and drums. i like to think songs i DO know sound extra special to the private air in my car or bedroom.
this made me think of things i think are underrated.
like sleeping in just a sheet. screw blankets. they can be OVERrated.
like vegas. it actually has no real appeal beyond bright lights and false hopes of winning money. however it caters to the side of me that loves walking around, another activity that is underrated.
like painting what i want when i want. because academic influence is overrated.
like the miami heat. remember the 'dream team' of USA olympic basketball in 2000? of course not. they sucked balls. literally. popsicles would be more appropriate, because they are underrated!
like an appreciation for the postal service. shit, they are the world's idealistic and romantic enablers. sure, and email would do, but that could be viewed as overrated.
like clubbing on baby seals. you want a real rush? play call of duty 2 and mow people down in an airport, and feel just as guilty. jet force gemini was totally underrated.
like elementary level - jr.high related nostalgia. pogs. ocarina of time. drinking a coca cola a day through two bendy straws merged together like a perfectly fitting penis to vagina. 'experience' enhancing games of truth or dare. not like spin the bottle. overrated.
like talk of sex amongst all dudes like it's some mythical activity achieved only through great conquering pedestal quests that end in nothing but a curiosity about if aids can swim up a stream of urine. if girls were actually present, the walk would not represent the talk. shy respectable gentlemen are underrated.
like romance in general. i don't wanna talk about the mushy stuff that convey a certain expectation that come with the roses and chocolates and predictability, but the unique and personal and super schematically intentional pursuit of the prospect while throwing the whims of rejection to the fucking woods. nothing overrated about confidence and vulnerability.
this made me think of things i think are underrated.
like sleeping in just a sheet. screw blankets. they can be OVERrated.
like vegas. it actually has no real appeal beyond bright lights and false hopes of winning money. however it caters to the side of me that loves walking around, another activity that is underrated.
like painting what i want when i want. because academic influence is overrated.
like the miami heat. remember the 'dream team' of USA olympic basketball in 2000? of course not. they sucked balls. literally. popsicles would be more appropriate, because they are underrated!
like an appreciation for the postal service. shit, they are the world's idealistic and romantic enablers. sure, and email would do, but that could be viewed as overrated.
like clubbing on baby seals. you want a real rush? play call of duty 2 and mow people down in an airport, and feel just as guilty. jet force gemini was totally underrated.
like elementary level - jr.high related nostalgia. pogs. ocarina of time. drinking a coca cola a day through two bendy straws merged together like a perfectly fitting penis to vagina. 'experience' enhancing games of truth or dare. not like spin the bottle. overrated.
like talk of sex amongst all dudes like it's some mythical activity achieved only through great conquering pedestal quests that end in nothing but a curiosity about if aids can swim up a stream of urine. if girls were actually present, the walk would not represent the talk. shy respectable gentlemen are underrated.
like romance in general. i don't wanna talk about the mushy stuff that convey a certain expectation that come with the roses and chocolates and predictability, but the unique and personal and super schematically intentional pursuit of the prospect while throwing the whims of rejection to the fucking woods. nothing overrated about confidence and vulnerability.
the life like wars, pursuingly
I. the knowing onlooker and flaunting to the flounder. delicate and ply-able but backed behind a cage of misunderstood temperance, curious again and righteous in the heart. holy holy is the King, worthy worthy is the sting.
II. extended budget, misguided authoring. filling in the blanks with whatever fits instead of whatever works. merciless intrigue plastered into the minds of the seeking and prophetic, knowing the destination but hating the journey, knowing what comes next.
III. a turn to unexpected predictability, taught hard once again by expectation and curiosity's gratification.
IV. a new hope. the true hope. can we have a return to passionate reasoning? hold firm the prophesy i claimed and asked for. lingering answers amidst forming questions. we're on a mission now.
V. the final blow, refreshing adoration for the closing moments before the battle ends in another defeat, but at the same moment the morning star arises. embracing the cold and the dark and the death.
VI. can we say it to be so? the quietest victory in the universe celebrated in the grandest scale within the heart and soul. no entitlement to the flounder, what was deserved put upon a shelf to be given as a gift to the reasons in the cracks on the path.
II. extended budget, misguided authoring. filling in the blanks with whatever fits instead of whatever works. merciless intrigue plastered into the minds of the seeking and prophetic, knowing the destination but hating the journey, knowing what comes next.
III. a turn to unexpected predictability, taught hard once again by expectation and curiosity's gratification.
IV. a new hope. the true hope. can we have a return to passionate reasoning? hold firm the prophesy i claimed and asked for. lingering answers amidst forming questions. we're on a mission now.
V. the final blow, refreshing adoration for the closing moments before the battle ends in another defeat, but at the same moment the morning star arises. embracing the cold and the dark and the death.
VI. can we say it to be so? the quietest victory in the universe celebrated in the grandest scale within the heart and soul. no entitlement to the flounder, what was deserved put upon a shelf to be given as a gift to the reasons in the cracks on the path.
Jul 6, 2010
LIST ME TO INSPIRE ME!!!
oh ok easy creative side of brain, take a chill pill.
bests:
category one. new things.
a) tv shows. entourage. i just watched all available dvd seasons in a two week span. it was going slow... then i decided to binge and knocked out seasons 3 (part 2) and onwards through 6 in 5 days. yay media self control!
b) music(s). b.i) bands. the rescues. super chill, super jazzy and extra special.
b.ii) songs. 'pirate blues' by as cities burn. i have desires for folky music from bands that occasionally scream a lot, and this song is perfect in that way and every way. it's like a flower blossoming in my ears.
b.iii) albums. 'diamond eyes' by deftones. i'm always super excited for what they put out and this album overcame my fear of the disappointment i've grown accustomed to from the music a LOT of my favorite bands have been putting out. hooray for stability and a fully unique recognizable sound.
c) movies.get him to the greek far exceeded my expectations by unexpectedly leaping on me when i was sleepy and vulnerable. i've not been brought to the point of laughter related vomiting in ... ever.. and so having a solo session of streaming tears and breathing problems made for an exquisite watch. 2 times. both with amazing people to watch with.
d) food. spicy hummus and cheese buns from safeway with glazed croissants for dessert, with the cheap cheap price of $8.62 or something for TWO days worth of lunches... taste and efficiency wins. i had the hummus with something else and it was too spicy to handle. with the cheese buns it both mellows out AND enhances BOTH (double that crap) flavor parties. then wrap it up with the closest thing to a krispy kreme donut and i'm ready to work for another 4 hours. practical, delicious, and enabling.
e) books. darwins bastards has been the only thing new in my literature life in awhile that i've actually finished, so a soft knowing nod to a wunnerful collection.
category two. favorite things thus far. in twenty ten.
a) tv shows. the back half of community, all but more specifically the paint ball episode. you rule. all of you. and you.
b) music(s). b.i) bands. i have to say attack attack because although they came out with a cruddy new album with cruddy new members and cruddy new values, their first album still has the overwhelming ability to change my mood from ANYthing into supper happy and energetic, even if it is only for 3 minutes during a song.
b.ii) songs. 'secrets' by onerepublic. a song very familiar to the top rated playlist in my ipod with five stars, yet another addicting influential AND inspirational song by the boys with easily the best album of the year so far.
b.iii) albums. 'waking up' by said awesome people. it started as an itch of curiosity, then blazed through my mind at 3 am on the san diego road trip, therefore securing it's place in my life as an amazing memory. months later, it doesn't waver in it's ability to satisfy a longing for good music.
c) movies. i'm gonna go with kick ass because i anticipated it for so long, and it wasn't what i expected in a good way, and because i only see movies more than once in theaters that i really enjoyed.
d) food. sushi. previous to this year i observed it to be disgusting, but now have found out that nothing gives me the satisfaction of fulfilling a craving like sushi does. it has literally owned me then turned around and served me several times this year.
e) books. the road... nobody makes me cry my own tears! nobody!!
worsts:
people. with an overuse of making out pictures, cuddling pictures, or anything glorifying their own relationship and making the rest of us sick of them by internet proximity alone. as well as the general attitude some people have with always having to be with someone, ruining their chances to solidify their own identity and remaining with hiding their insecurities behind their current significant other.
music. country. nothing ever changes... you slow twangy whiny nothingness. and the acceptance of justin beiber as an icon. why oh WHY is he so damn catchy... i'm gonna shout out to his addictive genre in general. stop infecting my mind with your curiously enticing beats and over polished voices. i hate you because i can't not like you. spontaneous dancing never lies.
movie. the original predator. i'm still excited for the new one, but only because i'm a fan of adrian brody and i'm waiting for the moment when topher grace redeems himself. other'n that, i'm sorry arnold, that movie was boring and aliens shouldn't laugh maniacally whilst blowing themselves up. you've got nothin on alien.
anticipations:
music. onerepublic concert at the coke stage. the one and only reason i'm gonna go to the stampede, but a one and only friggen amazing reason.
movies. on this newfound budget of mine, i'm going to allow one movie per month (in theory..) for july i'm gonna get super jacked for inception. i've already mailed christopher nolan the keys to my attention, finances, and heart. budget ending august will allow me to see scott pilgrim vs. the world in all of it's certain edgar wright glory.
things. i turn 24 this month. that's both scary as balls yet exciting as a good usage of the word 'intrigue'. one year away from the golden birthday, but the year i'm allowed to start using my age as a legitimate excuse, keycard to mature themes, and a scapegoat. i'm always excited at the ever looming potential to move again, as the future is always super uncertain.
trips. while many have claimed this to be 'one of the best summers ever' at the beginning of this blessed time, the initial hype of taking this season for love and freedom has wained a bit shy of the mark, halfway through that is. without a comparative spirit there is always room for improvement, but with one it's really hard to measure up to the last two summers of extensive road trips and overseas excursions. with THAT being said, it IS only july and i've gone to vancouver twice, kelowna once, edmonton twice, and all in preparation for a wondrously thought out adventure to detroit and new york. it IS gonna be the best summer ever, because even a trip to the grocery store with any of my friends makes my day.
bests:
category one. new things.
a) tv shows. entourage. i just watched all available dvd seasons in a two week span. it was going slow... then i decided to binge and knocked out seasons 3 (part 2) and onwards through 6 in 5 days. yay media self control!
b) music(s). b.i) bands. the rescues. super chill, super jazzy and extra special.
b.ii) songs. 'pirate blues' by as cities burn. i have desires for folky music from bands that occasionally scream a lot, and this song is perfect in that way and every way. it's like a flower blossoming in my ears.
b.iii) albums. 'diamond eyes' by deftones. i'm always super excited for what they put out and this album overcame my fear of the disappointment i've grown accustomed to from the music a LOT of my favorite bands have been putting out. hooray for stability and a fully unique recognizable sound.
c) movies.get him to the greek far exceeded my expectations by unexpectedly leaping on me when i was sleepy and vulnerable. i've not been brought to the point of laughter related vomiting in ... ever.. and so having a solo session of streaming tears and breathing problems made for an exquisite watch. 2 times. both with amazing people to watch with.
d) food. spicy hummus and cheese buns from safeway with glazed croissants for dessert, with the cheap cheap price of $8.62 or something for TWO days worth of lunches... taste and efficiency wins. i had the hummus with something else and it was too spicy to handle. with the cheese buns it both mellows out AND enhances BOTH (double that crap) flavor parties. then wrap it up with the closest thing to a krispy kreme donut and i'm ready to work for another 4 hours. practical, delicious, and enabling.
e) books. darwins bastards has been the only thing new in my literature life in awhile that i've actually finished, so a soft knowing nod to a wunnerful collection.
category two. favorite things thus far. in twenty ten.
a) tv shows. the back half of community, all but more specifically the paint ball episode. you rule. all of you. and you.
b) music(s). b.i) bands. i have to say attack attack because although they came out with a cruddy new album with cruddy new members and cruddy new values, their first album still has the overwhelming ability to change my mood from ANYthing into supper happy and energetic, even if it is only for 3 minutes during a song.
b.ii) songs. 'secrets' by onerepublic. a song very familiar to the top rated playlist in my ipod with five stars, yet another addicting influential AND inspirational song by the boys with easily the best album of the year so far.
b.iii) albums. 'waking up' by said awesome people. it started as an itch of curiosity, then blazed through my mind at 3 am on the san diego road trip, therefore securing it's place in my life as an amazing memory. months later, it doesn't waver in it's ability to satisfy a longing for good music.
c) movies. i'm gonna go with kick ass because i anticipated it for so long, and it wasn't what i expected in a good way, and because i only see movies more than once in theaters that i really enjoyed.
d) food. sushi. previous to this year i observed it to be disgusting, but now have found out that nothing gives me the satisfaction of fulfilling a craving like sushi does. it has literally owned me then turned around and served me several times this year.
e) books. the road... nobody makes me cry my own tears! nobody!!
worsts:
people. with an overuse of making out pictures, cuddling pictures, or anything glorifying their own relationship and making the rest of us sick of them by internet proximity alone. as well as the general attitude some people have with always having to be with someone, ruining their chances to solidify their own identity and remaining with hiding their insecurities behind their current significant other.
music. country. nothing ever changes... you slow twangy whiny nothingness. and the acceptance of justin beiber as an icon. why oh WHY is he so damn catchy... i'm gonna shout out to his addictive genre in general. stop infecting my mind with your curiously enticing beats and over polished voices. i hate you because i can't not like you. spontaneous dancing never lies.
movie. the original predator. i'm still excited for the new one, but only because i'm a fan of adrian brody and i'm waiting for the moment when topher grace redeems himself. other'n that, i'm sorry arnold, that movie was boring and aliens shouldn't laugh maniacally whilst blowing themselves up. you've got nothin on alien.
anticipations:
music. onerepublic concert at the coke stage. the one and only reason i'm gonna go to the stampede, but a one and only friggen amazing reason.
movies. on this newfound budget of mine, i'm going to allow one movie per month (in theory..) for july i'm gonna get super jacked for inception. i've already mailed christopher nolan the keys to my attention, finances, and heart. budget ending august will allow me to see scott pilgrim vs. the world in all of it's certain edgar wright glory.
things. i turn 24 this month. that's both scary as balls yet exciting as a good usage of the word 'intrigue'. one year away from the golden birthday, but the year i'm allowed to start using my age as a legitimate excuse, keycard to mature themes, and a scapegoat. i'm always excited at the ever looming potential to move again, as the future is always super uncertain.
trips. while many have claimed this to be 'one of the best summers ever' at the beginning of this blessed time, the initial hype of taking this season for love and freedom has wained a bit shy of the mark, halfway through that is. without a comparative spirit there is always room for improvement, but with one it's really hard to measure up to the last two summers of extensive road trips and overseas excursions. with THAT being said, it IS only july and i've gone to vancouver twice, kelowna once, edmonton twice, and all in preparation for a wondrously thought out adventure to detroit and new york. it IS gonna be the best summer ever, because even a trip to the grocery store with any of my friends makes my day.
Jul 4, 2010
white.
sunday morning drives are the absolute best... nobody on the road... wonderful cold sunshine... dropping adorable newlyweds off at the airport so they can go have dirty sweaty just came off the beach sticky mexican sex... knowing there is no agenda to fulfill but fall back asleep whenever and wherever i desire... sundays are the best. sure we could dispute whether or not observing the sabbath on the day the papacy decided upon would be indeed submitting to the mark of the beast, OR we could say sabbath is whatever day you take with the right intention towards rest, and sleep some more. dang yes.
hugs are good too. not just quick little non-intimate pats on the back, but full on body pressing like you haven't seen each other in two years even though it's only been two days. nothing more affirming than a good hug. unless it's someone telling me how well they know me. being known must be my love language... because anytime someone says 'you would' or 'i know you' all i feel is love. hot DOG...
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSAABBATH!!!
hugs are good too. not just quick little non-intimate pats on the back, but full on body pressing like you haven't seen each other in two years even though it's only been two days. nothing more affirming than a good hug. unless it's someone telling me how well they know me. being known must be my love language... because anytime someone says 'you would' or 'i know you' all i feel is love. hot DOG...
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSAABBATH!!!
Jul 1, 2010
i left the drawer open
along with the bread. the knife i put into the milky soapy dishwater sitting at the bottom of the sink. all things flow into the sink. not all things go down the drain.
a heart (or my heart) is like the drain... if that's what it's indeed called. the piece of metal separating the things able to flow through from the things big enough to get trapped. it holds on and it squeezes into the holes, as if a perfect fit. it feels right as it cozies up to the drain under the subtle pressure of gravity and the current of the water. sometimes chunks of wonderful noodles or foreign plastics get stuck, and sometimes they can never leave unless they are gingerly plucked out. sometimes things shrink and get too small to hold on. these are the things and times and happenings that are needed to make the drain feel clean and usable again.
but life and hearts are not drains, and don't exist in the metaphors i place them under. understanding and knowing can't always go hand in hand.
i miss writing
i miss drawing
i miss painting
i miss discipline
a heart (or my heart) is like the drain... if that's what it's indeed called. the piece of metal separating the things able to flow through from the things big enough to get trapped. it holds on and it squeezes into the holes, as if a perfect fit. it feels right as it cozies up to the drain under the subtle pressure of gravity and the current of the water. sometimes chunks of wonderful noodles or foreign plastics get stuck, and sometimes they can never leave unless they are gingerly plucked out. sometimes things shrink and get too small to hold on. these are the things and times and happenings that are needed to make the drain feel clean and usable again.
but life and hearts are not drains, and don't exist in the metaphors i place them under. understanding and knowing can't always go hand in hand.
i miss writing
i miss drawing
i miss painting
i miss discipline
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