15. dream the dream. then wake up to a delicious nightmare.
it's a shame the anticipation is sometimes greater than the deliverance of an expectation. especially when it falls short... like a man with no knee caps trying to jump for a ball..
found a new favorite artist. slinkachu. be blown. away. away!
musically, this is what i am thinking.
band of the month- florence and the machine.
favorite new band discovered this month- we came as romans.
accidental super loving song of the month- DHT, listen to your heart.
oh flip, my heart.
16. all i wanted was a cup of water.
Jan 29, 2011
Jan 26, 2011
erase erase erase
erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase erase.
breath.
sigh.
keep it in. none of this passive aggressive bullshit.
breath.
sigh.
keep it in. none of this passive aggressive bullshit.
14. party hat deviance
we know our true colours. we know the vision we could have but choose to keep the blinders on. it'd line up just right if you'd let yourself see. getting tackled in an unnatural way, choosing the fight and the will to survive instead of the thin skinned and comfortable way to pick ourselves back up. i've met the ground, we are familiar. it knows how i move, how i slither up to a position to cut away the excess and learn again to stand on the legs that will lead me to freedom. we part and know it may not be long before we meet again, but the ground doesn't wait in anxious captivation. familiar is misleading, and comfortable is claustrophobic.
Jan 21, 2011
spy plane standing by
edit post. yes please, for i did not write anything before prematurely entering the post into existence. and i had so much to say.
12. fuse ball bastard.
manic pixie dream girl. requiem for a dream soundtrack. all the things that make me and you and them epic.
13. mailbox barbarianism.
ices and spidermen with drums a thunder, rolling over the hills of inscented legend.
tap, tap tap, bang BOOM bang tap
shit yea.
12. fuse ball bastard.
manic pixie dream girl. requiem for a dream soundtrack. all the things that make me and you and them epic.
13. mailbox barbarianism.
ices and spidermen with drums a thunder, rolling over the hills of inscented legend.
tap, tap tap, bang BOOM bang tap
shit yea.
rap music makes me feel awesome
personal win of the day. not falling off a 14-12 roof. 12-12 is 45 degrees, so 14-12 is two measurements of a degree steeper.
word win of the day. fuckerish.
personal fail of the day. or yesterday... when i started the day by dropping my iphone in my cereal milk.
witnessed fail of the day. it's surely too soon to tell.. but i'd say it was dj getting iced and then giving me my cap whilst in the shower. and then he dumped ice cold water on me. touche sir. you're so damn literal.
word win of the day. fuckerish.
personal fail of the day. or yesterday... when i started the day by dropping my iphone in my cereal milk.
witnessed fail of the day. it's surely too soon to tell.. but i'd say it was dj getting iced and then giving me my cap whilst in the shower. and then he dumped ice cold water on me. touche sir. you're so damn literal.
a prayer i said i'd share. fuel up. light the match.
the new year -> the new life. the new redemption. father hold me firm to this decision of obstruction. release the power you have in me out and into the world. i have no boundaries, and have you to thank for that. i walk a thin line of recklessness and you are forever my safety net. guiding me to lean one way or another. make me different. make me dangerous. share me to share you. the chains of your kingdom are the reigns in which you drive me. they are not a burden, and burn light into my skin. keep me on this path, prepare me a way and then prepare my heart to travel it. turn my flaws into weapons against our enemies.
Jan 19, 2011
a continuation. pipe dreams and manufacturing.
after a night filled with realistically frustrating dreams, i feel the need to continue justifying myself. if that is what must happen day in and day out... i can understand what separates a good day from a bad day when the setting is entirely introverted.
(tattoo tangent... i just realized i've been taking my experiences for granted, and not fully grasping HOW important one instance of getting inked is.. i can't (i mean, i CAN but... forget that noise) go over an area i've already tattooed, so really when it's getting done this is the ONLY time it's going to be happening, so i need to help myself cherish and enjoy the endurance of the pain and the pleasure of the conversation since there is only one chance at this patch of skin. hopefully i can help people experience this when it comes time for me to be the artist)
and immediately following my intent to categorize my days of the week, i feel the need to disintegrate that notion and apply new manifestos that are applied throughout, in every situation. there are goals to be sure-
-one show'n sale painting a week. i must honestly and genuinely produce work that represents my perspective, through images based on poetic statements of justification. because... construction isn't gonna supplement a two month road trip, nor a year of apprenticeship in which i probably won't be getting paid. wednesday workmyassoffday? i think yes.
-continue exploration of random documentation. which means i need to find new methods to claim as 'documentation' as well as the situations that require it. write more. take more pictures. write way more. then write about writing more.
-intake. i can't get inspired if all i do is work, and understanding that now means i can take days to binge on things that force me to imagine and create and formulate. wes anderson or LOTR marathon whilst pouring over a brand new road atlas (to be purchased... when i can find one YAARRG)
but basically what i come down to (i was trying to write what 'it' comes down to- but then it seemed for fitting for me to come down to something) is attempting to be more human, and viewing everything i do as important. that way i give myself the responsibility of taking my actions seriously (but not myself... this ain't no identity conviction to change who i am) and THEREFORE respecting and valuing the things other people do as equal or more important than what i am doing. i don't have to change the world with my actions (i want to) but i want to make you feel like you actually are.
'awake oh sleeper'. i shant be timid.
(tattoo tangent... i just realized i've been taking my experiences for granted, and not fully grasping HOW important one instance of getting inked is.. i can't (i mean, i CAN but... forget that noise) go over an area i've already tattooed, so really when it's getting done this is the ONLY time it's going to be happening, so i need to help myself cherish and enjoy the endurance of the pain and the pleasure of the conversation since there is only one chance at this patch of skin. hopefully i can help people experience this when it comes time for me to be the artist)
and immediately following my intent to categorize my days of the week, i feel the need to disintegrate that notion and apply new manifestos that are applied throughout, in every situation. there are goals to be sure-
-one show'n sale painting a week. i must honestly and genuinely produce work that represents my perspective, through images based on poetic statements of justification. because... construction isn't gonna supplement a two month road trip, nor a year of apprenticeship in which i probably won't be getting paid. wednesday workmyassoffday? i think yes.
-continue exploration of random documentation. which means i need to find new methods to claim as 'documentation' as well as the situations that require it. write more. take more pictures. write way more. then write about writing more.
-intake. i can't get inspired if all i do is work, and understanding that now means i can take days to binge on things that force me to imagine and create and formulate. wes anderson or LOTR marathon whilst pouring over a brand new road atlas (to be purchased... when i can find one YAARRG)
but basically what i come down to (i was trying to write what 'it' comes down to- but then it seemed for fitting for me to come down to something) is attempting to be more human, and viewing everything i do as important. that way i give myself the responsibility of taking my actions seriously (but not myself... this ain't no identity conviction to change who i am) and THEREFORE respecting and valuing the things other people do as equal or more important than what i am doing. i don't have to change the world with my actions (i want to) but i want to make you feel like you actually are.
'awake oh sleeper'. i shant be timid.
Jan 18, 2011
cool beans i'm alive
and because i'm alive, i must sort through my half-organized life and evaluate the trash from the treasure, and then sift through that trash and see what i can use to turn into treasure.
monday. go to class. enjoy th cahllenge sof a new an challenging teache-
don't drink neo-citron...
before. . wanting to
write...
works sog ood
that i wonzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
monday. go to class. enjoy th cahllenge sof a new an challenging teache-
don't drink neo-citron...
before. . wanting to
write...
works sog ood
that i wonzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Jan 17, 2011
am i going to die today?
i think some people can feel death on their shoulders. they know their time is nigh and they graciously or fearfully accept it. i don't think i can 'feel' death but it's been on my mind a lot lately. i want to trace it back to an acknowledgement of the fear of death by one of my friends recently, that it was something that paralyzed him, disrupted him and caused him massive amounts of anxiety. i didn't understand, but i'm quite blinded by hope. i do have paranoid fantasies of my loved ones dying and how i would respond, and how i would have to embrace the sympathies of other loved ones while we console each other and remember while we can about the deceased. i don't know why i do this, and it disturbs me to dwell on such things. is it preparation? i don't want to know.
i didn't know i was having a bleh day until i got a text message from marc, giving me some random text love. it blew me away how quickly my cloud retreated and i became more chipper. energetic. with all the good feelings it made me feel like he knew something i didn't. like... just in case i died, he wanted to let me know i meant something to him. 5 minutes later i got one from chantal saying she hoped i was doing well, just a random hi, and that she loved me. my joy increased and my desire to be productive finally surfaced (peaking at the point of this writing segment). she must know something as well. am i going to die today? i have no idea. what would a world without me look like? i'll have no idea. it could be a bus, a train, a barrage of a thousand dead birds falling from the sky, a missed step, a piece of pie. i don't and won't know and then it'll be over. in my head i'm far more comfortable with me dying than having someone else i know die. it's easier to manage, and i'll cry a lot less.
i'll leave numerous things undone. i won't have left a mark on the world that generations from now will remember. i AM anonymous in the general eye, and i can't help but think that is good enough. i can breath in existence and accept that for a time it's MY time and that is good enough. but is it? who is that to decide. recent situations have forced me to observe evaluations of what is of worth under the sun. the focused lens of our perception into the limited horizon. if i acknowledge it, is that enough? should ENOUGH ever be worth the credit? or can it just be and remain GOOD. 'live, not just survive' 'seize the day' and other cliche mantra's we can hold to our hearts and claim sanctuary in lose their value in the heat of tragedy. maybe breathing is purpose enough. that air has to go somewhere.
so IF i die today. wouldn't it be interesting? the pulse of the world will continue as if nothing changed yet my entire reality would be shattered into a whole new experience that we each get but once. since i can't run from inevitability or argue existentialism amidst my own inner exploration, there isn't a lot i can do.
this sounds hopeless when it's coming out of this. what i'm trying to say is i love you. and not getting to say that before i go would be a tragedy. as i am purposed for Him, my purpose is to know you and have you be with me at whatever capacity available. let's just say hello over and over.
i didn't know i was having a bleh day until i got a text message from marc, giving me some random text love. it blew me away how quickly my cloud retreated and i became more chipper. energetic. with all the good feelings it made me feel like he knew something i didn't. like... just in case i died, he wanted to let me know i meant something to him. 5 minutes later i got one from chantal saying she hoped i was doing well, just a random hi, and that she loved me. my joy increased and my desire to be productive finally surfaced (peaking at the point of this writing segment). she must know something as well. am i going to die today? i have no idea. what would a world without me look like? i'll have no idea. it could be a bus, a train, a barrage of a thousand dead birds falling from the sky, a missed step, a piece of pie. i don't and won't know and then it'll be over. in my head i'm far more comfortable with me dying than having someone else i know die. it's easier to manage, and i'll cry a lot less.
i'll leave numerous things undone. i won't have left a mark on the world that generations from now will remember. i AM anonymous in the general eye, and i can't help but think that is good enough. i can breath in existence and accept that for a time it's MY time and that is good enough. but is it? who is that to decide. recent situations have forced me to observe evaluations of what is of worth under the sun. the focused lens of our perception into the limited horizon. if i acknowledge it, is that enough? should ENOUGH ever be worth the credit? or can it just be and remain GOOD. 'live, not just survive' 'seize the day' and other cliche mantra's we can hold to our hearts and claim sanctuary in lose their value in the heat of tragedy. maybe breathing is purpose enough. that air has to go somewhere.
so IF i die today. wouldn't it be interesting? the pulse of the world will continue as if nothing changed yet my entire reality would be shattered into a whole new experience that we each get but once. since i can't run from inevitability or argue existentialism amidst my own inner exploration, there isn't a lot i can do.
this sounds hopeless when it's coming out of this. what i'm trying to say is i love you. and not getting to say that before i go would be a tragedy. as i am purposed for Him, my purpose is to know you and have you be with me at whatever capacity available. let's just say hello over and over.
Jan 13, 2011
You give me life
if i gave it back and gained my freedom, why do these chains still infest like weeds growing suffocatingly close to my heart? You've given me so many answers yet i always crave more. if it's vague i gauge the accuracy based on how it affects my desired outcome. when it's clear i demand confirmation. challenges come to give me the growth i ask for, and i must be fine with the indefinite resolution. sit back and wait. get impatient and wander. force and pry and pull and forge.
let me be still
let me be content
let me discover
Jesus Christ.
i've called, am calling, and will always call Your name. show me the mysterious and wonderful things that i have not yet seen.
bring me back and fix that leak. nobody can hop in if i am sinking.
let me be still
let me be content
let me discover
Jesus Christ.
i've called, am calling, and will always call Your name. show me the mysterious and wonderful things that i have not yet seen.
bring me back and fix that leak. nobody can hop in if i am sinking.
Jan 9, 2011
if Christmas had statistics, these would be they
to combat my insatiable need for closure in any and all situations, i've decided to focus on the mundane and mediocre events and happenings of my break. not to discount the loveliness i've experienced, but now i'll remember the times that needn't be remembered.
favorite word: bindle-stiff. because picturing items i am unaware of for an entire book is way more fun than an accurate portrayal. then googling it afterwards and replacing my reading memories with what it IS instead of what i imagined it to be. were i thirteen years old i would have thought this to be a priestly erection. it is not.
most profanity laced substance: glad cling wrap. how the fuck does it do this?! i screamed mentally, thinking it would indeed NOT cling to this surface. lay your doubts to rest. the savior has come, and your fruit will stay fresher longer.
random habits discovered by little brother: when i get into a productive mood, mixed with immense joy and pleasure with what i am doing (aka excitement) i repeat sentences i hear on the tv. just the end bits or things that... had no reason to be repeated at all. he was present when this occurred and called attention to my oblivious acknowledgement of it. 'it'll have to be done in twenty seconds. nyah nyah nyah (snicker snicker giggle)'. "what the hell are you SAYING tyler?"
a moment of sly prowess: telling my mother 'no, i won't get sick if i run in this. i run hot, it's all good'. i've yet to recover.
number of tacos eaten: twenty two
most craved food: tacos
most panicked mid dream wake up: i was intently giving directions to a youth who was a the wrong church, who needed to go exactly ten miles east in order to get there. using my handy dandy iphone i was helping him, when i was yanked unwillingly out of consciousness by my mother's calls, whom four minutes before had told me to get up. apparently being dragged out of an intense directional conversation makes your eyeballs want to leap from your head, for i have never rubbed my eyes harder in an attempt to ease the pain they are forcing me to feel.
biggest assumption: that i would wear sweatpants a lot. this was an underestimated assumption, because i wore jeans twice. every time i WAS going to change pants, justification fell into place and so did i. also, that boredom causes masturbation.
biggest shattered assumption: that one of my good friends wasn't a father. BAM.
fondest non memory: sitting in the passenger seat of a car whilst other people talked about people i didn't know, driving to a house i didn't know. oh the times we'll have when we are youth doused in the freedom given to us by the drenching ladles of destiny.
actual honorable mentions: the rescues, gungor, avalache city, florence and the machine, black swan, tron, corn pops, grapes, volkswagen, downtown detroit, the kemptons, lupitas, staedtler pigment liners, prismacolor premier black, felines, cona and riley, kevin beltz, bryan lefever, espn, the nfl and all of it's licensed affiliates, the game of perfection, chairs, and miracle bag.
favorite word: bindle-stiff. because picturing items i am unaware of for an entire book is way more fun than an accurate portrayal. then googling it afterwards and replacing my reading memories with what it IS instead of what i imagined it to be. were i thirteen years old i would have thought this to be a priestly erection. it is not.
most profanity laced substance: glad cling wrap. how the fuck does it do this?! i screamed mentally, thinking it would indeed NOT cling to this surface. lay your doubts to rest. the savior has come, and your fruit will stay fresher longer.
random habits discovered by little brother: when i get into a productive mood, mixed with immense joy and pleasure with what i am doing (aka excitement) i repeat sentences i hear on the tv. just the end bits or things that... had no reason to be repeated at all. he was present when this occurred and called attention to my oblivious acknowledgement of it. 'it'll have to be done in twenty seconds. nyah nyah nyah (snicker snicker giggle)'. "what the hell are you SAYING tyler?"
a moment of sly prowess: telling my mother 'no, i won't get sick if i run in this. i run hot, it's all good'. i've yet to recover.
number of tacos eaten: twenty two
most craved food: tacos
most panicked mid dream wake up: i was intently giving directions to a youth who was a the wrong church, who needed to go exactly ten miles east in order to get there. using my handy dandy iphone i was helping him, when i was yanked unwillingly out of consciousness by my mother's calls, whom four minutes before had told me to get up. apparently being dragged out of an intense directional conversation makes your eyeballs want to leap from your head, for i have never rubbed my eyes harder in an attempt to ease the pain they are forcing me to feel.
biggest assumption: that i would wear sweatpants a lot. this was an underestimated assumption, because i wore jeans twice. every time i WAS going to change pants, justification fell into place and so did i. also, that boredom causes masturbation.
biggest shattered assumption: that one of my good friends wasn't a father. BAM.
fondest non memory: sitting in the passenger seat of a car whilst other people talked about people i didn't know, driving to a house i didn't know. oh the times we'll have when we are youth doused in the freedom given to us by the drenching ladles of destiny.
actual honorable mentions: the rescues, gungor, avalache city, florence and the machine, black swan, tron, corn pops, grapes, volkswagen, downtown detroit, the kemptons, lupitas, staedtler pigment liners, prismacolor premier black, felines, cona and riley, kevin beltz, bryan lefever, espn, the nfl and all of it's licensed affiliates, the game of perfection, chairs, and miracle bag.
Jan 7, 2011
penguin with blimp > pirate > penguin
i'm gonna be honest. i have no idea how to properly insert a youtube video into my blog. it is always too big. so here. chew on this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QDidEchiNI&feature=player_embedded
and then seriously, check out their website, download the album for free (or money cuz it'd be worth it), then sit back and allow them to rip off your current face and replace it with one of pure satisfaction. it sounds violent, but it's the softest most adorable violence ever to happen upon your face.
special thanks to rebekah whittle, bringer of the best music for my soul.
http://www.avalanchecity.com
**update. looooooove the album... goodness gracious...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QDidEchiNI&feature=player_embedded
and then seriously, check out their website, download the album for free (or money cuz it'd be worth it), then sit back and allow them to rip off your current face and replace it with one of pure satisfaction. it sounds violent, but it's the softest most adorable violence ever to happen upon your face.
special thanks to rebekah whittle, bringer of the best music for my soul.
http://www.avalanchecity.com
**update. looooooove the album... goodness gracious...
Jan 4, 2011
new desktop? yes please.
another thing that maintains it's certainty each time i come home is my inevitable trip to dentist. dreaded, loathed, the thought of which turns my attitude from shit-eating grin to shit-spewing pout... last time i went the hygienist (or butcher) went to town on a teeth cleaning that left me bleeding and more or less (but mostly more) crying and aching for days. i was not thrilled. sure, my teeth were pearly and smooth, but the pain that came with it was unbearable and just unfair! i took very good care of my teeth. she exacted no amount (ha. exacted in a false sense.) of precision or care when cleaning my gums and left me feeling mutilated and wimpy. with this attitude i grudgingly dragged myself to this year's cleaning expecting to leave the same in the same painful state as previously experienced. fortunately and excellently enough though it was a pleasant and joyous experience as i only felt mild discomfort and enjoyed this hygienist far more. feeling far better about not being a weeny and having nothing wrong with my teeth, i left with a feeling of gratitude towards my oral specialists and knew next time i wouldn't loathe or hate so much.
until.
i got a phone call from my mom last night telling me i have another appointment. at 9:30 in the morning. i was riding high in the previous moment and within one second turned into a fuming 3 year old who just found out he got books for Christmas. poop i say! poop! here are the issues i had with this.
1. my thought that i was free from oral prodding was dissolved, and my fantasy of smiling freely for another year became an illusion.
2. 9:30 in the morning? i've woken up before 1pm ONCE this entire trip. the sloth in me raised a middle claw to the dawn and decided any socializing planned for the eve was hereby cancelled.
3. nobody told me i had a cavity. who the crap decided it was ok to let it go unsaid that i needed another filling, a procedure i had become familiar with and knew the numbing implications of.
i felt betrayed by my newfound hygienist and vowed to not go, to spite THEM and make them suffer for not having done their job properly. slowly reason crept in, with a little little brother prompting i decided it was best to get this taken care of now lest i suffer the worry of knowing i am flawed throughout the entire year. it's like driving a car knowing you are almost out of gas or have some inner mysterious clinking that makes you feel relieved every time the car starts without a hassle.
i know the anticipation is always far worse than the actual happening, and todays little session was a delightful little experience with some delightful people and some delightful substances that cause numbness. it was quick, i felt like they knew me, and i departed feeling pleasantly disabled and ready to power on through the morning.
until.
i read a few chapters of leibowitz, and with max cuddle up beside me, let the waters of unjustified exhaustion lap against my head and imagination. now, i'm not normally prone to blame dreams on substance, but i swear these dreams were different. i was far too conscious to be having them to begin with, and once i was immersed in them it became far to easy to communicate and feel like it was actually happening. VIVID i tell ye. i will forever warn against cavity filling followed directly by post apocalyptic reading and napping. they were cyclical, scary, and frustratingly real. not scary like horror movie scary, but like real life situations of being left behind, not being able to answer texts, and watching yourself being followed on facebook. i'd wake up from a dream within a dream and think everything was ok, then go run to tell my parents about the crazy dream i just had and then mid sentence wake up in another realm. except this realm was my literal couch and i was met with mouth tingles from hell. i must have been talking out loud because i slushed the mid sentence word out from my real mouth and was instantly awake and irritated i was talking to the ceiling. silly tyler. true michigan form- waking up confused and with no idea what was real or not. i ate some grapes and found them burning hot to the touch of my tongue. i decided this was bunk and moved to my bed where i willed the numbness away.
it has thus far been a good day. i've discovered a good deal of new things that will add substance and excitement to my life.
1. freelance whales. whilst watching a youtube about a wonderful new years parade that happens every year (via donald miller and #3), loved the song that played and explored a little and found them to be likely my new favorite happytime music.
2. http://www.unurth.com/index. goodness gracious i love street art so much. i'll use this to get me off my but and out of my studio.
3. burnsidewriters.com. just... a thwack of awesome articles involving anything and everything relevant. and supports donald miller + his blog, which i'm going to start frequenting because he is my favorite author and his latest book kicked my butt.
4. dead and divine. dj announced this bands existence to me a few months ago, and i hadn't explored them until now. they are super angry and passionate about anti-religion, and i quite loved it. a little contrast to the freelance whales, but right in line with what i am listening to most lately. happytime music duo.
5. bros icing bros. i don't normally find a liking in frat-boy antics and generalizations of male stupidity (bros? damn. yuck.) but i found this amazing game to be thrilling, humiliating and challenging. the aim is to 'ice' another dude (or dudette?! dare they enter the game) by getting them to touch or make eye contact with a smirnoff ice, with the consequence being they must take a knee, and chug the entire thing on the spot. i hope to enlist as many participants as possible within my vicinity of friends and begin yet another game that will train us to be even more paranoid about even more situations (see the 'mine' game).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkpjpddeXs0 (what good sports.)
6. easy a. me'n the little bro watched this movie last night and liked it a lot. we both love emma stone, and stupid plot lines (but the good stupid. mean girls stupid.) and clever dialog that make us laugh. it was a grand time.
right on then guvnah!
until.
i got a phone call from my mom last night telling me i have another appointment. at 9:30 in the morning. i was riding high in the previous moment and within one second turned into a fuming 3 year old who just found out he got books for Christmas. poop i say! poop! here are the issues i had with this.
1. my thought that i was free from oral prodding was dissolved, and my fantasy of smiling freely for another year became an illusion.
2. 9:30 in the morning? i've woken up before 1pm ONCE this entire trip. the sloth in me raised a middle claw to the dawn and decided any socializing planned for the eve was hereby cancelled.
3. nobody told me i had a cavity. who the crap decided it was ok to let it go unsaid that i needed another filling, a procedure i had become familiar with and knew the numbing implications of.
i felt betrayed by my newfound hygienist and vowed to not go, to spite THEM and make them suffer for not having done their job properly. slowly reason crept in, with a little little brother prompting i decided it was best to get this taken care of now lest i suffer the worry of knowing i am flawed throughout the entire year. it's like driving a car knowing you are almost out of gas or have some inner mysterious clinking that makes you feel relieved every time the car starts without a hassle.
i know the anticipation is always far worse than the actual happening, and todays little session was a delightful little experience with some delightful people and some delightful substances that cause numbness. it was quick, i felt like they knew me, and i departed feeling pleasantly disabled and ready to power on through the morning.
until.
i read a few chapters of leibowitz, and with max cuddle up beside me, let the waters of unjustified exhaustion lap against my head and imagination. now, i'm not normally prone to blame dreams on substance, but i swear these dreams were different. i was far too conscious to be having them to begin with, and once i was immersed in them it became far to easy to communicate and feel like it was actually happening. VIVID i tell ye. i will forever warn against cavity filling followed directly by post apocalyptic reading and napping. they were cyclical, scary, and frustratingly real. not scary like horror movie scary, but like real life situations of being left behind, not being able to answer texts, and watching yourself being followed on facebook. i'd wake up from a dream within a dream and think everything was ok, then go run to tell my parents about the crazy dream i just had and then mid sentence wake up in another realm. except this realm was my literal couch and i was met with mouth tingles from hell. i must have been talking out loud because i slushed the mid sentence word out from my real mouth and was instantly awake and irritated i was talking to the ceiling. silly tyler. true michigan form- waking up confused and with no idea what was real or not. i ate some grapes and found them burning hot to the touch of my tongue. i decided this was bunk and moved to my bed where i willed the numbness away.
it has thus far been a good day. i've discovered a good deal of new things that will add substance and excitement to my life.
1. freelance whales. whilst watching a youtube about a wonderful new years parade that happens every year (via donald miller and #3), loved the song that played and explored a little and found them to be likely my new favorite happytime music.
2. http://www.unurth.com/index. goodness gracious i love street art so much. i'll use this to get me off my but and out of my studio.
3. burnsidewriters.com. just... a thwack of awesome articles involving anything and everything relevant. and supports donald miller + his blog, which i'm going to start frequenting because he is my favorite author and his latest book kicked my butt.
4. dead and divine. dj announced this bands existence to me a few months ago, and i hadn't explored them until now. they are super angry and passionate about anti-religion, and i quite loved it. a little contrast to the freelance whales, but right in line with what i am listening to most lately. happytime music duo.
5. bros icing bros. i don't normally find a liking in frat-boy antics and generalizations of male stupidity (bros? damn. yuck.) but i found this amazing game to be thrilling, humiliating and challenging. the aim is to 'ice' another dude (or dudette?! dare they enter the game) by getting them to touch or make eye contact with a smirnoff ice, with the consequence being they must take a knee, and chug the entire thing on the spot. i hope to enlist as many participants as possible within my vicinity of friends and begin yet another game that will train us to be even more paranoid about even more situations (see the 'mine' game).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkpjpddeXs0 (what good sports.)
6. easy a. me'n the little bro watched this movie last night and liked it a lot. we both love emma stone, and stupid plot lines (but the good stupid. mean girls stupid.) and clever dialog that make us laugh. it was a grand time.
right on then guvnah!
Jan 3, 2011
3 days in
it's weird how resolutions come about... for me at least. i don't feel inclined to support the 'fresh new start' because the number i sometimes sign documents with has changed, OR because everyone takes the time to think how they are going to be different from the previous year, BUT because it is the season following an immense period of sloth. i work 'hard' for most of the year, but when it comes to Christmas, i pretty much do nothing at all. literally, figuratively, socially... i become a 160-65 lb. waste of space. i'm amazing at keeping couches sat, napped and slept on, and taking 30 minute showers, and taking 4 hours to do a 12 minute chore.. and i celebrate it with all my might.
the problem with this once-a-year feast of laziness is the dreaded amount of conviction i end up feeling after one week to pry myself from my bed rotting ass and DO something with my life. this conviction consistently peaks about a week before i head back home to inevitable productivity and work ethic related behaviors... but i can't wait a week, can i. no, i take on projects, spout a lot of withintheweek prophesies, and solemnly vow to become someone different in time for the return home. the overly entitled justification side of my brain is fighting hard against this thought, and put many distractions in the way of me writing even this wee blog (though was deceived by itself when i stumbled upon readings and videos that inspire me TO make a move towards a better tyler).
my new-me (yeah. me. 2011 is purely selfish. year? no. meeeEEEEEEE!) resolutions include (with arguments from my seething EJSomB):
-starting to run again. (but it hurts my knees a huge amount (though a nice hot shower seemed to heal whatever damage i did..))
-doing stuff more. including pranks, adventures, happenin events, common decency towards my fellow housemates, friendmates, city and countrymates, and even plantmates. (this will endanger my goal of being all about me and me focused and gaining a leg up on understanding me and what i want)
-new and continued disciplines.
new! ACTUAL reading/tattoo day. in between school days and not during work days.
continued! memorizing ephesians.
new! P90x with the mates. time to be in shape again.
continued! party hearty always. play to smile.
new! aggression exploration. my bro david said he wanted to learn more patience this year from God. i said the exact opposite and wanted expectations and a more aggressive approach to life. scripture feasts on me...
continued! 'owning' nothing because sharing everything feels so much better.
(... you've set the bar at an acceptable measure because i can still set up a bucket in which to stand on to reach this.)
-being less open.. but just as vulnerable. scars keep me aware it seems.. and their so damn hot. (i'm a fool. a masochistic fool.)
it has been a wunnerful holiday. i'm ready to come home. but i still have nigh ONE WEEK! and i shant come home heaving the weight of my accumulated apathy.
i started this year in a hoodie, and ended in a onesie. i started this year in a t-shirt, so does that mean i'll end in a hoodie? or.. naked. psh that's for future tyler to worry about.
i need some balloons. now.
the problem with this once-a-year feast of laziness is the dreaded amount of conviction i end up feeling after one week to pry myself from my bed rotting ass and DO something with my life. this conviction consistently peaks about a week before i head back home to inevitable productivity and work ethic related behaviors... but i can't wait a week, can i. no, i take on projects, spout a lot of withintheweek prophesies, and solemnly vow to become someone different in time for the return home. the overly entitled justification side of my brain is fighting hard against this thought, and put many distractions in the way of me writing even this wee blog (though was deceived by itself when i stumbled upon readings and videos that inspire me TO make a move towards a better tyler).
my new-me (yeah. me. 2011 is purely selfish. year? no. meeeEEEEEEE!) resolutions include (with arguments from my seething EJSomB):
-starting to run again. (but it hurts my knees a huge amount (though a nice hot shower seemed to heal whatever damage i did..))
-doing stuff more. including pranks, adventures, happenin events, common decency towards my fellow housemates, friendmates, city and countrymates, and even plantmates. (this will endanger my goal of being all about me and me focused and gaining a leg up on understanding me and what i want)
-new and continued disciplines.
new! ACTUAL reading/tattoo day. in between school days and not during work days.
continued! memorizing ephesians.
new! P90x with the mates. time to be in shape again.
continued! party hearty always. play to smile.
new! aggression exploration. my bro david said he wanted to learn more patience this year from God. i said the exact opposite and wanted expectations and a more aggressive approach to life. scripture feasts on me...
continued! 'owning' nothing because sharing everything feels so much better.
(... you've set the bar at an acceptable measure because i can still set up a bucket in which to stand on to reach this.)
-being less open.. but just as vulnerable. scars keep me aware it seems.. and their so damn hot. (i'm a fool. a masochistic fool.)
it has been a wunnerful holiday. i'm ready to come home. but i still have nigh ONE WEEK! and i shant come home heaving the weight of my accumulated apathy.
i started this year in a hoodie, and ended in a onesie. i started this year in a t-shirt, so does that mean i'll end in a hoodie? or.. naked. psh that's for future tyler to worry about.
i need some balloons. now.
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