this too shall pass

can't take it anymore. pent up writing stimulus has now breached past the point of being held in. were it pregnant, that baby be crowning. all this time waiting for something to write about UNBEKNOWNST i've been word pregnant this whole time. like any appropriate pre-rant explanation, i've gotta make sure you're aware that i'm aware that it's been scant, awhile, dreary, and uninspired on the blogging front. i journal, sometimes, but when i do it's intense and overly dramatic like a 13 year old girl that just realized her period justifies her moodiness. man i'm so f***ing meta. PHORICAL!

so that's new... i'm giving up swearing for lent. why? who the carp knows. i really enjoy profanity, so i guess it's actually a sacrifice this time. let me analyze my goals:

- i enjoy it because of the harsh expression of it. this time apart will allow me to find those dramatic, comedic or 'perfect word' scenarios through different expressions.
- being that i like it, sometimes it slips into situations where i don't need OR desire to say it, and this will be good in training me to hone my tongue.
- i try reaaaaally hard to never us it in a malicious way, so if i keep maintaining my anti-cursing guidelines i should hopefully get better at being uplifting by not having access to the potential negative side of our vocabulary.
- it'll hopefully train me to actually listen to words in songs that aren't wrapped around an f-bomb... pretty much i want to listen harder instead of waiting in anticipation for an explosion of lyrical flavor. this is a subconscious battle.

at metro we were challenged not only to sacrifice something, but to add something. so hopefully with the support of my man church, i'm actually going to read me some bible. the study we are going through is written by rick warren (whom i have a distasteful bias towards), so hopefully letting down my jaded perspective will actually allow for some good though provoking intake instead of the constant 'seen it read it don't want to think about it anymore'.

it is february 27, and i am approximately 15% done my current painting gig. painting, unlike frisbee, gives me the time and mental space to constantly be thinking about my situations and future. i go through a myriad of emotions and internal struggles. this sentence has very little point beyond just wanting to say the word 'myriad'.

actually, this whole word pregnancy thing just turned out to be gas. what i really wanted was to see that date change.

/ it's 6:28 am, i don't want to be alert when the sun breaks loose. i haven't NEED for you, dawn!

snarf snarf snarf <- real word.s.

i'm blogging less. does that mean i'm getting older? or just less inspired. or whenever i think of writing something, i go and say it instead to someone? nah... i just. haven't. even now, i've nothing really to say. i just don't want to go to sleep, draw, or keep checking facebook and instagram. BOGUS when you get caught in that repetitive mode of boredom where you cyclically check instagram, forget you checked it and check again, then get pissed at seeing the same picture three times. i no longer CARE that your desk is covered in paper and electronics! i wish someone would upload a pic of themselves doing something ... fire-y. damnit...

hmm... instead of underwear, i'm wearing compression shorts. that must mean i went to training tonight. good for me. and good for my STOMACH to have consumed, at mass amount (and mass aboutdamntime), a meal. oh, i've been pulling things together that r e s e m b l e a meal, but this is the first decent one since i've been back. especially after a squatty enthused work out, it was quite necessary. my problem now is money.

money! surprise. i have jobs lined up. several quite well paying ones. three, to be precise. but none of these boast a paycheck anytime within the next month, which weighs heavily on my 'scraping by' lifestyle. post travel dilemma! gotta commit to less. and plant painting laden emails to specific people i owe money to... so i can further push my way deeper into the depths of making monetary exchange scarce in my life. it's exciting and scary. because while it's all within my means to desire to do so, it's now necessity. boooyaaaaa. jeffy want a painting for rent?! psh i'm already painting it (lies i hadn't even THOUGHT about jef as an option until just now... guess i'm building THREE canvases at 'school' tomorrow). don't read this jef. or mom. or dad. too late? psh. i'm fine. i love when tattoo's get me enough money for three days of groceries. mega win. and the minute i get out of red, into excess, with no bills to pay? inkinkinkinkink. and convincing words to let me apprentice.

which will give me... no money. BUT. advanced status in goal achieving life. step after that- babies, obviously.