my boys an the music they make

here. i don't care if you don't enjoy, but especially if you do enjoy, lets spread them like herpes.

http://www.myspace.com/thecommencement

copy.. paste... people who read will go.. an learn.. discover.. then spread more! use the system!

a FB note wouldn't do right now.

he's got red on him, and i see it, and now its on me too. (oh yes, its a miss off.)

i haven't any complaints about my current roommates.. i love them very much. i do however miss marc. a lot. he called today, and it scared me cuz i didn't realize how much i missed him until i heard his voice. threw me on a good loop. taken aback? oh yes i was. i scored 3 goals for you marc. i miss losing arguments... i don't learn anything when i win. or if i don't have any. and i justify things in my head by letting them stay unexposed and thriving wildly in the darkness. i miss the lack of tv... movies won over everything, and if not movies... the hour would always suffice well enough to pass us into sleep worthy mental awareness. oh strombo... i miss damn good high fives. i can't wait for the 100+ hours he's in calgary and there will be freedom to do so much... and we'll do so little cuz thats all it takes. i also miss marc's insomnia, cuz if i were to wake up at 5 am an have a conversation, i could just see if he's watching college humour videos or not. sleep wasn't a necessity in our home...

i miss michigan. i miss complaining about it when i'm there, but actually loving it. i dont' just soso michigan, i have a heart for it and if i don't get my fill soon (which i will) mebe i'll just go punch dance it out in the woods. i miss my parents yelling at me for not being in bed at 4 am. i miss them moving on from yelling to accepting sighs of worry and mild intrigue. i also miss scaring my mom whenever she walks into a new room then having her try to avenge her fright only to be scared by me again. i miss my bed. i miss vacuuming every 2 days because nobody takes off their shoes in michigan. i miss saying 'hey, lets not go to detroit, and live a good 30- 50 years longer' even though i really do want to go to detroit.

i miss my BROTHERS. i have nobody to fight with. only bros can deliver that satisfaction. i don't have that blood bond with anyone else i know (good.. scientific reason for that... marc an jef come dang close though.) (so do a few others-) but nobody like eric and david. they are so different from me but as hochhalters we are also all so similar.. we all have awful luck with girls, we all have brat streaks, we all have the ability to make people smile... but mostly we all have awful luck with girls. just awful.

i'm going to miss calgary and everything contained in calgary.. and by everything i mean everyone, because 'things' mean far less to me now then they ever have. i am excited for the future. i want a girl. i want to be wreckless with career choices and have it work out in my favour, in an exciting way, preferably involving a car chase or heist or something of that nature. if we can throw fire in there somewhere, that'd be pretty sweet. i want... some effing frisbee. i want to get to know girl A better, an eventually get to the point of droppin L bombs upon one another. i don't even know her at all, and i think thats the best part. girl A can so easily be transfered into girl B or C or Z. but every guy knows girl A is the best choice.

i can't sleep. biologically, i blame myself for not waking up until half past noon... emotionally, i blame being 'missy' about absolutely everything and 'wanty' about everything else... mentally, i blame le soupy brain and fixation upon the ideal future. babies i say. there is so much in between, but dang! babies will be fun as everything. i've clearly deviated away from things i miss into things i want... i think i'm ok with that. i haven't just typed what i've been feeling in some time. like. 4-5 days. IF that was what i was feeling... yes. yes it was. not once have i mentioned NZ. that takes up about 84 percent of my mental activity these days. soo much exciting uncertainty.. new habitat... unnnnnnnnnggggggh i'm so excited.

i miss my cat. so much.

today has been a day of thinking

there are several things i've discovered i want at this point.

i really really want to fight someone. not necessarily an intense 'yo bitch, get off my toes!' fight, cuz thats too confrontational and nothing gets solved (though if it were some punkass dissin my bros, i'd step into fisticuffs with no issue! (in my head i'm a badass wigger (but really i just am not))) BUT a good solid tussle that leaves both combatants lying on the ground breathless with big ass smiles. and BRUISES and sore muscles that last for awhile and make you think of how good a fight it was when it takes 3 minutes to stand up. thats possibly the gayest sounding thing i've ever written, but i don't care. i haven't fought in ages. someone, step up.

i want a monkey. but only for a day.

i want to be done at starbucks. i ranted at marc over my letter about why i hate christmas starbucks. and why christmas starbucks sucks. i hate SO MUCH of what starbucks becomes at christmas... in f***ing november! it makes me bitter to the core. overworking christmas should be a sin. drinks that are the exact same but have a different name so it becomes novelty... f***ing sick. fuck. (i'm done censoring.) i hate starbucks.

i want to be in school forever. it is way to much fun, and i learn so much, and i get to chill with really awesome people. graduation is scary as hell, and its still one year and one half and plus away.

i want ice. there has to be at least 3 weeks of consistantly cold weather so i can get my hockey on. i'm sick of this global warmth thats killing my play time. it either has to be cold enough for hockey, or warm enough for frisbee and soccer. dang i love sports... so so much..

portraits and brothers

there are lots of tiny sarcastic hopeful smiley faces peppered accross the message board.

to end

-milk

-cereal

-rice- NO WAIT!  colin and you share together in a rice bond now.

-eggs

-yogurt- for oatmeal

-oatmeal- for yogurt AND breakfast

-raspberries- for oatmeal and yogurt 

-bread

-more milk

-fruit- for replenishing my empty soul.  (eg: apples, mebe some christmas oranges)

-future milk

-shampoo?

-wife

-juice.

guest starring, we have rhythm

but no rhyme!  there's an ice cube on a sleeping jef miller's forehead.  courtesy of the freezer and my hand.  so much of life is pre-determined by our own audacious desires.. if only we could get along so well with our needs.  with just as much justified boldness.  why is jef miller so exhausted?  not even a full hail to the thief.  

a plausible conversation

sometimes me'n the brain discuss things.  sometimes its irrational like 

'hey, you don't respect me!'

'hey, you don't deserve respect!'

and sometimes, its deep and intellectual like

'hey, i think that the state of the worlds sobriety is in jeopardy because of your ignorance to flailing tastebuds'

'hey, you should shut your face and enjoy something that lets you rest while i'm awake!'

irrationality is no buzz.  but you know what is?  thinking about the future and having a future that is totally and completely uncertain.  but isn't all future uncertain?  were not bound by any absolute law that says what we expect to happen will happen.  i could spontaneously combust at any second and all my 'plans' would be burnt along with my body.  unlikely, but entirely within the realm of possibility!  all i can do is trust in my God to deliver something that will keep me out of the range of mediocrity that i so fear getting engulfed in.  i need to know that if i ever start living solely for myself i'll get smacked so hard into reality that i won't have a choice to disobey.  right now its getting back to that state.. i was unsure, then i asked and direction was given.  now that direction is still there, but the absoluteness is gone.  nothing is sound.  but everything is still beautiful.. fancy that i now have no dilemma.

the things my brain can't handle.

here it comes now! colliiiiiiiide (high five david crowder!)

the awesomeness of weekend freedom is something my brain can't handle. its too exciting. if i wasn't exhausted yesterday i'd have not slept in protest to my emotions raging for excitement. not even that this weekend will be immensely exciting (minus the scary tower of slides i must slide down... by force!) its gonna be so much chill.. that i have not had since, well i'm thinking BV. vancouver an radiohead had lots of chill, but to THIS level, i've gotta relate it back to colorado. just wandering around a town.. discin whenever we wanted.. car naps.. that also had peak excitment with running water. the thing is we only get these rare moments to rest an be with each other in the same instant, i'm forced to long for them and appreciate them as much as possible. even if we just watch movies for 4 days straight, being together, not stressing about anything, will be such a good break from the chaos of school and work. and the best part is i'm not even heading back into stress when i come back...(pat on my own back for actually finishing an essay a full 6 days before due date! WOO!) yeah. super pumped. so celebrate, i list what i feel would be good road trip music, but probly won't even get listened too.

guster
the entire accross the universe soundtrack
mas guster
dispatch AT LENGTH
if we hit a deer or something, mebe some matt good (he brings me sorrow in glorious ways)

laura is driving so driver rules, an i'm gonna guess NO! i KNOW we are going to listen to at least one song by:

the epic celine dion
the sir elton
and... probs some kelly clarkson. its probable.

i'm not planning on sleeping, but i'm not in charge of that. my bodily disfunction when i'm not driving is an immediate dependency on sleep. i can't control it, but i must abide to it. so, no planning on sleeping, but that level of time travel is always excitable to me when i'm not large an in charge. thunderbirds are GO!

sometimes it's best to walk away

aba ba baaaa ba ba baaaa ba ba baaaa aa aaa aaaaaaa

mmm yeah hit it florez