passionate silence, consumed by one napping in a sunlight bath. the accompanying and resounding adventure of the dream, giving justified relapse to the freedom of a physically lawless world. horrid cooperation forgotten by allowing the memory of the perceived future to coattail audacious desire...
we can hold our heart in our hands only by understanding the risk we take in exposing it.
Jan 28, 2010
Jan 26, 2010
BUT seriously... game face.
the wingspan was well within comprehension. it can't (and it won't) be a number or a ratio or even a reference, just the existence of understanding wielded against an enemy that doesn't know it's defeated. a new assignment in the same direction, encrusted with truth and the same coarse desire to refine. isolated involvement within a series of interpretations, that are beheld by the members of the dictating culture... there isn't a new way, but another way; to get in, leave a path for the rest to follow. which is to be seen? some will see the end but the few will see the beginning. stir it pierce it light it reveal it integrate it live it. the true freedom only felt by those willing to investigate. behold
the house with no toilet paper...
with tears in my eyes, all the light reaches towards me as if trying to touch my point of sadness in order to replace what i've lost with what it can provide.
WHAOOOOOOO look what happens when i start reading graphic design jargon. i reach for things that sound pretty but are just words shoved into the disguise of a metaphor laced like a drug with acceptable spirituality. half truths and DONUTS (but seriously at the time it was a really nice sentiment for myself to think about...). is it neurotic of me to get addicted to a wonderful television show called 'community' then because i know i SHOULD sleep (thank you marc for pointing out the healthy bits, which i have not been doing well these past few), i say 'i'll stop watching when the show ends on the hour OF an hour', and then WHEN it does ie 3:00 am i go and justify watching another one... or three... until the point of realizing it's breakfast time comes when it's 11 am and i've missed the first two hours of class.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaactually casttv.com has deemed me unsuitable for further viewing, as 'mega-video time restricts viewing of their videos(74 minutes/3 hours)'. i just got owned by my own greed for media consumption. oh wait!
PF- i just got owned by my own greed for media consumption. i have this thing, where when i find something i like (ie good television (ie how i met your mother, community, big bang theory)), i consume and consume relentlessly with never ceasing satisfaction with the knowledge of it's accessibility, until the DVD is over, the season has finalied, or that access is denied. should i call this a problem or just enjoyment? moderation ignored (as well as sleep), i can't ever regret the situation other than having to wait a full week / year before i can consume again. i'm like the great pumpkin from robot chicken.
PW- i just found out if i wait 54 minutes, it resets itself and i have another 3 hours of viewing.
WF- in the mirror i'm imagining is in front of me, i see this dude who has entered into a state of self analysis based on his inability to remain focused on primal needs instead of intake want-ages. (PS actual WF- the flames, losing 7 in a row. sigh.)
the answer to this irregularity in sleep patterns must be productivity...
WHAOOOOOOO look what happens when i start reading graphic design jargon. i reach for things that sound pretty but are just words shoved into the disguise of a metaphor laced like a drug with acceptable spirituality. half truths and DONUTS (but seriously at the time it was a really nice sentiment for myself to think about...). is it neurotic of me to get addicted to a wonderful television show called 'community' then because i know i SHOULD sleep (thank you marc for pointing out the healthy bits, which i have not been doing well these past few), i say 'i'll stop watching when the show ends on the hour OF an hour', and then WHEN it does ie 3:00 am i go and justify watching another one... or three... until the point of realizing it's breakfast time comes when it's 11 am and i've missed the first two hours of class.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaactually casttv.com has deemed me unsuitable for further viewing, as 'mega-video time restricts viewing of their videos(74 minutes/3 hours)'. i just got owned by my own greed for media consumption. oh wait!
PF- i just got owned by my own greed for media consumption. i have this thing, where when i find something i like (ie good television (ie how i met your mother, community, big bang theory)), i consume and consume relentlessly with never ceasing satisfaction with the knowledge of it's accessibility, until the DVD is over, the season has finalied, or that access is denied. should i call this a problem or just enjoyment? moderation ignored (as well as sleep), i can't ever regret the situation other than having to wait a full week / year before i can consume again. i'm like the great pumpkin from robot chicken.
PW- i just found out if i wait 54 minutes, it resets itself and i have another 3 hours of viewing.
WF- in the mirror i'm imagining is in front of me, i see this dude who has entered into a state of self analysis based on his inability to remain focused on primal needs instead of intake want-ages. (PS actual WF- the flames, losing 7 in a row. sigh.)
the answer to this irregularity in sleep patterns must be productivity...
Jan 24, 2010
why?
here's why. if i were to sleep, i would miss out on all the conscious action of the awake and alert. like just now. i had an ice cream sandwich. who can say they ate an ice cream sandwich if they are sleeping? not me. that's an activity i store away for moments i am attentive and deserving (of a tasty treat probably). what more, is i can grape out all i want with no consequence. in my own context.
it's what happens to my insides anyways. grape on. i often find the need for sleep debilitating and intrusive to my vigilant activities of the eye's open variety. i wish it were not a need, because dependency upon this beast wears me down with a giant sloth on my back. and i LIKE it on my back, and when it's enveloped around me, i don't ever want it off. turning ME into the sloth. this is counter productive and socially irresponsible. in my last two days submitted to this fiend i've decided to take action against such a predator, and simply ignore it's existence and renounce it's control over my life. although... it often whispers crazy fun dreams into my head. sometimes plausible and romantically awesome, sometimes ridiculous and against the laws of these 'physics' we call reality, and sometimes so tweaky and weird no enjoyment can come of it. even if i'm killing zombies. they become real in the sloth world. nobody should ever have to kill anything ever. though i guess i'm prepared if the time were to ever come... something like the following is pretty much fantastically normal except without me laughing.
I LIE! the sloth is now lulling me into adorable submission, and i cannot withhold myself from it's power for much longer. and now, an excerpt from the book 'the bro code', written by how i met your mother existee barney stinson, with matt kuhn.
article 57: 'a bro never reveals the score of a sporting event to another bro unless that bro has thrice confirmed he wants to hear it'.
flip. pace car mind indeed. i'm gonna snuggle with this slother for a few hours, then i'm gonna take it out back and shoot it. just sleep from now on. none of this... non-productive moping around for days on end. weekends have become dangerous.
i just wanted to show some funny videos. huurah!
it's what happens to my insides anyways. grape on. i often find the need for sleep debilitating and intrusive to my vigilant activities of the eye's open variety. i wish it were not a need, because dependency upon this beast wears me down with a giant sloth on my back. and i LIKE it on my back, and when it's enveloped around me, i don't ever want it off. turning ME into the sloth. this is counter productive and socially irresponsible. in my last two days submitted to this fiend i've decided to take action against such a predator, and simply ignore it's existence and renounce it's control over my life. although... it often whispers crazy fun dreams into my head. sometimes plausible and romantically awesome, sometimes ridiculous and against the laws of these 'physics' we call reality, and sometimes so tweaky and weird no enjoyment can come of it. even if i'm killing zombies. they become real in the sloth world. nobody should ever have to kill anything ever. though i guess i'm prepared if the time were to ever come... something like the following is pretty much fantastically normal except without me laughing.
I LIE! the sloth is now lulling me into adorable submission, and i cannot withhold myself from it's power for much longer. and now, an excerpt from the book 'the bro code', written by how i met your mother existee barney stinson, with matt kuhn.
article 57: 'a bro never reveals the score of a sporting event to another bro unless that bro has thrice confirmed he wants to hear it'.
flip. pace car mind indeed. i'm gonna snuggle with this slother for a few hours, then i'm gonna take it out back and shoot it. just sleep from now on. none of this... non-productive moping around for days on end. weekends have become dangerous.
i just wanted to show some funny videos. huurah!
Jan 19, 2010
there was only ONE monday january 18th/2010
and i WASTED the crap out of it. here's how.
woke up at NOON. a full 3 hours, 15 minutes after i set my alarm, which means i was in/out of snooze land for that entire time, except the 32 minute nape i got when i turned it off by snoozy accident.
read approximately 19 pages of 'graphic design as communication', by malcolm barnard, an analysis on what graphic design and communication are, in case i was unaware or cared. since i was neither, i neglected to read the final 10 pages of the required reading out of pure frustration at what some people find interesting, involving insistence to use every word possible to describe something as broad as an opinion (however well researched, cited and articulated). (throws hands up in educational exhaustion)
highlight of the day- watched 'the royal tenenbaums' for the first time in my life. i do believe i have found a new favorite movie... potentially ever, as i laughed myself silly (all alone!) and nearly cried on DOS occasions, which never ever happens. applause for wes anderson and owen wilson... writers for true.
after realizing i'd only consumed a bowl of cereal since awakening, i started and continued to feed for the hour i had before evening class. ramen with an egg, the remainder of my triscuits with cheese, 4 pieces of nutella toast, and somewhere in there was an apple. merely to supplement the boredom i was experiencing as nothing was on tv... food makes memories. and gassy nights.
then came the night class in which we discussed our reading homework! hooray! in depth comments saying the same things over and over for brownie teacher participation points, whilst analyzing a micro analysis of the broadest subject ever. key moments in class- existing with jef miller once more in a liberal studies class. 1) jef miller points out that his name is the only name that gets called with both first and last names, as has happened throughout his entire life. name envy ensues. 2) amidst the stupid redundant grade seeking 'arguments' of the class, he embarked on a bolder path of challenging the ruling we had come to, making the teacher claim jef's own correctness. 3) since i revoked any passion to participate hours earlier whilst reading, i was drawing tattoos. jef noticed, jabbed my arm to mess me up, swear, and in return actually concentrate. a fine win sir.... suppressed laughter happened for the first time since sunday school. 4) an amazing volkswagen commercial where a storm was dubbed 'the worst EVER'. an instant quotable for life.
as i sang my way home, realizing what i had forgotten to bring to school so i could productively NOT drag it up the hill tomorrow for studio, all that happened was getting from point a to point b in excellent musical fashion.
sitting on the couch with the human furnace resting on my legs, i pondered getting up to get some more food, when two slices of leftover pizza a mere outreached arm away were offered. it was a win for the inner sloth. 3-4 episodes of the big bang theory followed, as well as a beer and fighting for the life of my left over pasta which i've been saving for tuesday lunch since last thursday. preservation WIN!
3 straight hours of internet video followed. it started with the discovery of rottentomatoes.com tv movie rating show, which led to the year endies awards (awesome), which led to one of the hosts own little show called the viral video film school http://current.com/viral-video-film-school-im/, which i consumed on a mass level as i find him perfectly delightful, sarcastic and especially gifted in using profanity. it also led me to this video which has changed how i giggle forever. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Bmhjf0rKe8
and then i wrote this... fully ensuring i make someone else waste as much time as i did this very day, transitioning into tomorrow. enjoy it suckahs!
woke up at NOON. a full 3 hours, 15 minutes after i set my alarm, which means i was in/out of snooze land for that entire time, except the 32 minute nape i got when i turned it off by snoozy accident.
read approximately 19 pages of 'graphic design as communication', by malcolm barnard, an analysis on what graphic design and communication are, in case i was unaware or cared. since i was neither, i neglected to read the final 10 pages of the required reading out of pure frustration at what some people find interesting, involving insistence to use every word possible to describe something as broad as an opinion (however well researched, cited and articulated). (throws hands up in educational exhaustion)
highlight of the day- watched 'the royal tenenbaums' for the first time in my life. i do believe i have found a new favorite movie... potentially ever, as i laughed myself silly (all alone!) and nearly cried on DOS occasions, which never ever happens. applause for wes anderson and owen wilson... writers for true.
after realizing i'd only consumed a bowl of cereal since awakening, i started and continued to feed for the hour i had before evening class. ramen with an egg, the remainder of my triscuits with cheese, 4 pieces of nutella toast, and somewhere in there was an apple. merely to supplement the boredom i was experiencing as nothing was on tv... food makes memories. and gassy nights.
then came the night class in which we discussed our reading homework! hooray! in depth comments saying the same things over and over for brownie teacher participation points, whilst analyzing a micro analysis of the broadest subject ever. key moments in class- existing with jef miller once more in a liberal studies class. 1) jef miller points out that his name is the only name that gets called with both first and last names, as has happened throughout his entire life. name envy ensues. 2) amidst the stupid redundant grade seeking 'arguments' of the class, he embarked on a bolder path of challenging the ruling we had come to, making the teacher claim jef's own correctness. 3) since i revoked any passion to participate hours earlier whilst reading, i was drawing tattoos. jef noticed, jabbed my arm to mess me up, swear, and in return actually concentrate. a fine win sir.... suppressed laughter happened for the first time since sunday school. 4) an amazing volkswagen commercial where a storm was dubbed 'the worst EVER'. an instant quotable for life.
as i sang my way home, realizing what i had forgotten to bring to school so i could productively NOT drag it up the hill tomorrow for studio, all that happened was getting from point a to point b in excellent musical fashion.
sitting on the couch with the human furnace resting on my legs, i pondered getting up to get some more food, when two slices of leftover pizza a mere outreached arm away were offered. it was a win for the inner sloth. 3-4 episodes of the big bang theory followed, as well as a beer and fighting for the life of my left over pasta which i've been saving for tuesday lunch since last thursday. preservation WIN!
3 straight hours of internet video followed. it started with the discovery of rottentomatoes.com tv movie rating show, which led to the year endies awards (awesome), which led to one of the hosts own little show called the viral video film school http://current.com/viral-video-film-school-im/, which i consumed on a mass level as i find him perfectly delightful, sarcastic and especially gifted in using profanity. it also led me to this video which has changed how i giggle forever. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Bmhjf0rKe8
and then i wrote this... fully ensuring i make someone else waste as much time as i did this very day, transitioning into tomorrow. enjoy it suckahs!
Jan 17, 2010
attempting the win of an argument
jef and me had a conversation as we walked out of daybreakers this evening. he claimed that this was another movie in the wave of vampire movies that have come out of the vampire trend started by the twilight series; a statement at which a necessary part of my soul died and will never come back. i was left aghast and astonished at SUCH a statement, and instantly went on the attack at why this blasphemy had just come out of his mouth. he claimed 'well rotten tomatoes said so in an article'- which did also not bode well with the stirrings inside of me, as i do find rottentomatoes a valid source of movie information and judgment. as we parted ways i was struggling in my mind to come up with a valid, just and perfect argument against his, of which didn't come to my mind until walking-away-distance later when a leather clad blood sucking temptress came dashing into my skull cavity. quickly and accurately and with immense purpose i typed 'we all know kate beckinsale started the trend ; )', and with an immediate response from the sir 'haha you win'. easy, game set and match, the kate beckinsale trump card. however in my arrogance and unsatisfied with merely a verbal win, i responded some time later 'lawyered!'... curiously wondering if i had spelled it correctly, yet with a resounding rebuttal 'no. if you could prove it with numbers or real facts it would be lawyered'. which now, approximately 67 minutes later has brewed itself into a mental storm of excitement and intrigue, in which this post has been inspired by. i will leave out as many possible biases as possible, excluding opinionated (and possibly ignorant) offensive remarks about twilight and it's mangled representation of vampires and teens and love; and overall shoddiness... but while trying to capture as much numerical evidence and 'real' fact (because any fact concerning movies, especially regarding real articles which are opinion, can only be countered with opinion validated with said numbers) to strike a case against the claim that twilight is in any way affiliated with trend-setting.
before we look at evidences for and against, we must first conclude the definition of the phrase 'trend setter'.
trend setter
–noun a person or thing that establishes a new trend or fashion.
Origin:
1960–65; from the v. phrase set a trend; (dic.1)
now while it can be said that twilight has definitely added to the popularity of the vampire 'genre' with it's poorly acted directed and adapted (because i have not read the books, i am not capable of casting judgement on them- they remain a separate issue and have no real quarrel with me in this situation) film(s), it is by no means a radical leap forward in originality or establishing anything 'new'.
item 1- the date of publication of the first twilight book. 2005- 5 years ago, and 3 years previous to the release of the first film adaptation (wiki.1). since the BEGINNING OF MAAAAAAAAAAN we have been said to fear 'things' that often fit the description of blood sucking, brooding and overall dark and scary, but it wasn't until the early 19th century that our modern fictional representation of a vampire was established (2). what started with the creation of the first vampire fictional story with 'the vampyre' by john polidori (1819), was replaced in 1897 by bram stoker's 'dracula' as the (AS they say) quintessential basis for modern vampire fiction (3). this being noted, could be said to be the birth of the 'genre' in itself, a full 108 (112 if you are counting from when stephenie meyer had her dream about what to write (4)) years before twilight was published. film wise, the origins meander in and about the '30s through flippin now, with dracula being represented in films most often second to sherlock holmes (5). to claim twilight as anything 'new' is to shit on a sandwich and call it edible. though meyers definitely took creative liberties with vampiristic (new word. chyeahhh) qualities, 'the representation of sexuality and the perennial dread of mortality (6)' still followed the modern formula for fictional vampire appeal.
item 2- being part of a series makes it more worthy of following. truth; any story that boasts a staple like a sequel or prequel or triliogy or my new favorite, quadrilogy, is very likely more successful at establishing a base for re-consumption, therefore gaining more popularity and fans capable of following or existing within a trend. in this, twilight is no more than a strong current formed by falling rain entering the river vampire. buffy, blade, KATE BECKINSALE OH! all already boast this same momentum and potential energy relating to the cause of vampire popularity. the only thing new twilight has done is take away the mess and fear of it by replacing blood with lip quivers/creepy stares and violence with obsessive hormones, aiming darkness at a generation who hasn't been exposed to parents-acceptable vamps because all the rest are too blood soaked and demonic to be enjoyable (even for me sometimes... yuck) in a family setting. tone it down, up the viewing potential, and guarantee a following of youngsters who won't know what they are missing until they see equally unfit acted directed and adapted films like the blades (with the exception of the delightfully sarcastic and rude ryan reynolds in blade 3. always a joy my salt tongued fellow countryman) and underworlds.
item 2.1- speaking quickly on reinvention, '30 days of night' did the same thing.
item 3- opinionated conclusion. granted the rate of speed these disease ridden films have gained give it valid push to say they are a part of the vampire genre; history, and me say that twilight has no claim to any sort of ownership in inventing the vampire trend. research aside (by the by, is more work i've put into any sort of paper for art school, high school or any school for that matter), i feel my original argument that kate beckinsale is the queen of RECAPTURING the love of vampires is the most sound, but the rest of this movie-political nonsense should do well against teeming fans of rationally bankrupt compost heaps like twilight. AND POOR ROBERT PATTISON AND KRISTIN STEWART! those poor souls have been sucked into a life of expectation (albeit fame, money, and overall 'dream' life of excess and poopularity (hehehehehe)) and cult following, with no more privacy and instant forgetfulness of their past beautiful work and acting skills, of which they BOTH possess. bel- i mean kristin stewart deserves better than being a sulky irrational 'love' enslaved girl trapped on the screen and posters and tabloids. i wouldn't wish the luke skywalker syndrome on anyone, and hopefully that doesn't happen. but whenever a girl squeals at the sight of pattison, one other well deserving lovely boy gets one less percent of a chance at a truly dedicated and loving future mate. in FINALITY, not conclusion, twilight doesn't get to be called a trend setter, and will never in my mind be affiliated with acceptable vampire viewing.
k. i feel like an ass. are you with me spider monkey? (erase erase erase) LAWYERED!
citations:
the lovelies at dictionary.com.
and wikipedia. screwing your arguments over since 2001. (to find that out, i had to wikipedia wikipedia, and for fear of ripping a hole in the universe, clenched most of my lower body muscles whilst pressing enter.)
pretty much the internet. google vampire, twilight, or worst movies ever to influence society to get all the information i had access too.
PS- daybreakers was just alright.
before we look at evidences for and against, we must first conclude the definition of the phrase 'trend setter'.
trend setter
–noun a person or thing that establishes a new trend or fashion.
Origin:
1960–65; from the v. phrase set a trend; (dic.1)
now while it can be said that twilight has definitely added to the popularity of the vampire 'genre' with it's poorly acted directed and adapted (because i have not read the books, i am not capable of casting judgement on them- they remain a separate issue and have no real quarrel with me in this situation) film(s), it is by no means a radical leap forward in originality or establishing anything 'new'.
item 1- the date of publication of the first twilight book. 2005- 5 years ago, and 3 years previous to the release of the first film adaptation (wiki.1). since the BEGINNING OF MAAAAAAAAAAN we have been said to fear 'things' that often fit the description of blood sucking, brooding and overall dark and scary, but it wasn't until the early 19th century that our modern fictional representation of a vampire was established (2). what started with the creation of the first vampire fictional story with 'the vampyre' by john polidori (1819), was replaced in 1897 by bram stoker's 'dracula' as the (AS they say) quintessential basis for modern vampire fiction (3). this being noted, could be said to be the birth of the 'genre' in itself, a full 108 (112 if you are counting from when stephenie meyer had her dream about what to write (4)) years before twilight was published. film wise, the origins meander in and about the '30s through flippin now, with dracula being represented in films most often second to sherlock holmes (5). to claim twilight as anything 'new' is to shit on a sandwich and call it edible. though meyers definitely took creative liberties with vampiristic (new word. chyeahhh) qualities, 'the representation of sexuality and the perennial dread of mortality (6)' still followed the modern formula for fictional vampire appeal.
item 2- being part of a series makes it more worthy of following. truth; any story that boasts a staple like a sequel or prequel or triliogy or my new favorite, quadrilogy, is very likely more successful at establishing a base for re-consumption, therefore gaining more popularity and fans capable of following or existing within a trend. in this, twilight is no more than a strong current formed by falling rain entering the river vampire. buffy, blade, KATE BECKINSALE OH! all already boast this same momentum and potential energy relating to the cause of vampire popularity. the only thing new twilight has done is take away the mess and fear of it by replacing blood with lip quivers/creepy stares and violence with obsessive hormones, aiming darkness at a generation who hasn't been exposed to parents-acceptable vamps because all the rest are too blood soaked and demonic to be enjoyable (even for me sometimes... yuck) in a family setting. tone it down, up the viewing potential, and guarantee a following of youngsters who won't know what they are missing until they see equally unfit acted directed and adapted films like the blades (with the exception of the delightfully sarcastic and rude ryan reynolds in blade 3. always a joy my salt tongued fellow countryman) and underworlds.
item 2.1- speaking quickly on reinvention, '30 days of night' did the same thing.
item 3- opinionated conclusion. granted the rate of speed these disease ridden films have gained give it valid push to say they are a part of the vampire genre; history, and me say that twilight has no claim to any sort of ownership in inventing the vampire trend. research aside (by the by, is more work i've put into any sort of paper for art school, high school or any school for that matter), i feel my original argument that kate beckinsale is the queen of RECAPTURING the love of vampires is the most sound, but the rest of this movie-political nonsense should do well against teeming fans of rationally bankrupt compost heaps like twilight. AND POOR ROBERT PATTISON AND KRISTIN STEWART! those poor souls have been sucked into a life of expectation (albeit fame, money, and overall 'dream' life of excess and poopularity (hehehehehe)) and cult following, with no more privacy and instant forgetfulness of their past beautiful work and acting skills, of which they BOTH possess. bel- i mean kristin stewart deserves better than being a sulky irrational 'love' enslaved girl trapped on the screen and posters and tabloids. i wouldn't wish the luke skywalker syndrome on anyone, and hopefully that doesn't happen. but whenever a girl squeals at the sight of pattison, one other well deserving lovely boy gets one less percent of a chance at a truly dedicated and loving future mate. in FINALITY, not conclusion, twilight doesn't get to be called a trend setter, and will never in my mind be affiliated with acceptable vampire viewing.
k. i feel like an ass. are you with me spider monkey? (erase erase erase) LAWYERED!
citations:
the lovelies at dictionary.com.
and wikipedia. screwing your arguments over since 2001. (to find that out, i had to wikipedia wikipedia, and for fear of ripping a hole in the universe, clenched most of my lower body muscles whilst pressing enter.)
pretty much the internet. google vampire, twilight, or worst movies ever to influence society to get all the information i had access too.
PS- daybreakers was just alright.
brown shirts and tattered forearms
why do we (i mean the others i know who are like this as well) enjoy pain? what is it about cuts and scrapes and bruises that make us feel so .... tough? even though it's obviously a display of our fragility? is it because we've danced with destruction and come out not only dead, but with scars that tell stories? or is it just the stories, yet we feel we need to validate those stories with proof of our encounter? or is it for ourselves, a prompt reminder that we are not invincible and shouldn't be treating ourselves as such... OR IS IT that it's a reward for doing something awesome and having a medal for a few days or weeks afterwards, allowing a mental pat on the back every time we see our ripped magnificently healing skin? i think it's the scab picking that is so rewarding. sure it's disgusting. but HOW fascinating is healing skin?! more importantly, why was the highlight of my day a completely failed play in two hand touch football, requiring me to dive across ice for a ball i couldn't reach, allowing sharpness to penetrate my skin and cause bleeding for the next hour an a bit, all over my arm and eventually sean's donated shirt? was it because someone called me a warrior? having limbs covered in blood is no cause for being called a warrior... clumsy, maybe. zealous, for sure. but not a warrior... that's left for people who can claim to kill without feeling, of which i am not. i was/just am fascinated at what happens to the body, and what the body happens to do because of these happenings. PLUS it's fun to talk about PLUS eventually i'll get to pick some nasty scabs PLUS i get to gross queasy people out PLUS i get to admire what my arms and hip would look like if i got into a fight with an asian knife gang OR a plethora of skin eating pigeons PLUS two hand touch football cred. all this to wonder upon and say: i think we can all enjoy a good scrape of the body. it's just when the insides get hurt you would never describe such pain with this delight... let's play nice. feelings don't heal as good as skin.
but now on to a REAL topic, continued after some research in the next blog. trend setting vs. twilight, which i am out to destroy.
but now on to a REAL topic, continued after some research in the next blog. trend setting vs. twilight, which i am out to destroy.
Jan 13, 2010
delightful assailants
it's those nit-picky things... that get you on or turn you off (do not reverse it). the little joys we find in little situations that make us feel explosions of happiness on the inside, or the little urine puddles we notice on society that make us mentally slander, swear or judge. calling these things either love or hate would be inaccurate, because they don't have that power, BUT these little suckers do have a say over our emotions and sometimes even moods. to be fair, lets call them smiles and frowns.
frowns:
when grumpy old men swear at the gas station attendant- i don't feel at all ok with some crank walking in yelling at the dude behind the till to 'turn on the f***ing gas machine!! i'm unpleasant and demand to be treated as a superior because i'm older and white and don't understand pre-pay therefore justified in belittling your intelligence and letting people who don't care know i mean business!! mrah!!'
masturbation- for the times the battle gets lost to the lies of the fallen one. 'but it's natural' what?! get behind me satan. God forgive me, next never-ending battle, beginnith! ah flip i lost again! very sneaky devil! very sneaky indeed. God give me radar for this. battle on! cripes! another trick! where did that self control end up? (subtlety addition to smiles: victory)
feeling weak or debilitated- walking with shoulders diagonal is a strange coping method for pain without realizing it. not working out and being able to lose fights to kittens. (or so it feels). laying down shouldn't be hard EVER.
people leaving each other- cmon rachel weisz! marky mark needs you more than ever and you are fleeing! SUPPORT ONE ANOTHER!!! guaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!!!
no milk- waking up, pouring a nice big delicious bowl of cereal, opening the fridge, and cursing the world.
the female orgasm sounding during music- i don't care how rockstar you are... keep that in the bedroom, and not in your silly stupid juvenile music. i'm talkin to you, '80s. grow up. you weren't/aren't cool.
smiles:
girls in sweatpants- there is nothing cuter/more attractive. and i'm not talking lululemon temptress-pants. nice, baggy, adorable sweats. major bonus points for just woke up/no make-up or earrings. i'm bout to nab you in a blanket and couch cuddle with you, cuz you know you look great.
paint drips- slow, drawn out formal brush strokes? go masturbate.
swear words in a lighter context- fornicating under consent/command of the king. is it really so rude? it can be an amazing comedic moment in any situation, especially if you save them up and don't use them often so they actually work. forget people who use them excessively, moderation for EVERYTHING. also in songs- if it's rightly justified and not used for shock value or disrespect; i know the lyrics surrounding a good f-bomb better than the rest of the song. makes my brain sing for some reason. i've heard why, but i don't really need to remember why.
attack attack- bad mood? not anymore. screaming metal mixed with electronic? always always yes please. i'm gonna start stating them as the reason for me being so happy after something crappy (ie 'i just got attack attacked!). PLUS super uplifting lyrics.
downloading anything aka the information age- i just watched smokin' aces 2, before it came to theatres. i am forever glad, because it was a steaming pile of poop made for blood-gluttonous anti-story fanatics who don't like to think, but merely like violent stimulus. plus it can help me make good purchasing decisions. but mostly weeds out the garbage.
painting studios- freedom. i don't like to claim ownership over many things, but having MY space at school is so amazing. peer critique, a consistent base of influence, drawing time, reading time, painting time... all piled into one section of a room with two entire 12 hours weekly class time dedicated to it.
writing on walls- it just means so much more. it's so much easier to see than a notebook. reminders actually remind me. plus it has so much potential in it's own existence... brilliantly rebellious, beautifully poetic, unabashedly genuine. i could list and list for at least 20 minutes.
lava monster- what is grounders, on crack tablets of joy? why, it's lava monster. scoping out good playgrounds to play on has never felt so right. i just need to introduce it to the right canadians who don't mind playing in the dark with their eyes closed while people perform dangerous acrobatic stunts across slippery plastic playscapes trying to not get tagged or touch the ground after the 3rd person has been tagged, LEST they become a lava monster themselves. no kids allowed. no shame either. grow down, gentlemen and ladies.
the jef(f(s))- who else can say they have small group with the jeffs? i dare you to top that.
hoods- stone cold sexy. and ideal for shade, wind resistance, identity protection, looking scandalous, visual ignorance, and nap time.
frowns:
when grumpy old men swear at the gas station attendant- i don't feel at all ok with some crank walking in yelling at the dude behind the till to 'turn on the f***ing gas machine!! i'm unpleasant and demand to be treated as a superior because i'm older and white and don't understand pre-pay therefore justified in belittling your intelligence and letting people who don't care know i mean business!! mrah!!'
masturbation- for the times the battle gets lost to the lies of the fallen one. 'but it's natural' what?! get behind me satan. God forgive me, next never-ending battle, beginnith! ah flip i lost again! very sneaky devil! very sneaky indeed. God give me radar for this. battle on! cripes! another trick! where did that self control end up? (subtlety addition to smiles: victory)
feeling weak or debilitated- walking with shoulders diagonal is a strange coping method for pain without realizing it. not working out and being able to lose fights to kittens. (or so it feels). laying down shouldn't be hard EVER.
people leaving each other- cmon rachel weisz! marky mark needs you more than ever and you are fleeing! SUPPORT ONE ANOTHER!!! guaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!!!
no milk- waking up, pouring a nice big delicious bowl of cereal, opening the fridge, and cursing the world.
the female orgasm sounding during music- i don't care how rockstar you are... keep that in the bedroom, and not in your silly stupid juvenile music. i'm talkin to you, '80s. grow up. you weren't/aren't cool.
smiles:
girls in sweatpants- there is nothing cuter/more attractive. and i'm not talking lululemon temptress-pants. nice, baggy, adorable sweats. major bonus points for just woke up/no make-up or earrings. i'm bout to nab you in a blanket and couch cuddle with you, cuz you know you look great.
paint drips- slow, drawn out formal brush strokes? go masturbate.
swear words in a lighter context- fornicating under consent/command of the king. is it really so rude? it can be an amazing comedic moment in any situation, especially if you save them up and don't use them often so they actually work. forget people who use them excessively, moderation for EVERYTHING. also in songs- if it's rightly justified and not used for shock value or disrespect; i know the lyrics surrounding a good f-bomb better than the rest of the song. makes my brain sing for some reason. i've heard why, but i don't really need to remember why.
attack attack- bad mood? not anymore. screaming metal mixed with electronic? always always yes please. i'm gonna start stating them as the reason for me being so happy after something crappy (ie 'i just got attack attacked!). PLUS super uplifting lyrics.
downloading anything aka the information age- i just watched smokin' aces 2, before it came to theatres. i am forever glad, because it was a steaming pile of poop made for blood-gluttonous anti-story fanatics who don't like to think, but merely like violent stimulus. plus it can help me make good purchasing decisions. but mostly weeds out the garbage.
painting studios- freedom. i don't like to claim ownership over many things, but having MY space at school is so amazing. peer critique, a consistent base of influence, drawing time, reading time, painting time... all piled into one section of a room with two entire 12 hours weekly class time dedicated to it.
writing on walls- it just means so much more. it's so much easier to see than a notebook. reminders actually remind me. plus it has so much potential in it's own existence... brilliantly rebellious, beautifully poetic, unabashedly genuine. i could list and list for at least 20 minutes.
lava monster- what is grounders, on crack tablets of joy? why, it's lava monster. scoping out good playgrounds to play on has never felt so right. i just need to introduce it to the right canadians who don't mind playing in the dark with their eyes closed while people perform dangerous acrobatic stunts across slippery plastic playscapes trying to not get tagged or touch the ground after the 3rd person has been tagged, LEST they become a lava monster themselves. no kids allowed. no shame either. grow down, gentlemen and ladies.
the jef(f(s))- who else can say they have small group with the jeffs? i dare you to top that.
hoods- stone cold sexy. and ideal for shade, wind resistance, identity protection, looking scandalous, visual ignorance, and nap time.
Jan 12, 2010
don't stick that judge on me.
i've been hit with crazy juice. seems passion sprouts creativity, but the kind that burns deep inside spreading seeds of angst instead of sewing the plants of comfort that i watered earlier. maybe that's what i needed though. i don't know if a movie has ever invoked such an impassioned response before, in a negative way. i won't way what movie, but it left me angry, unfulfilled and desperate for retribution and restitution... i can't say i liked the movie but i can't say i disliked it either for affecting me in this way. i guess 'taken' did it too. oh yay, liam neeson rescued his daughter, hooray hooray he murdered dozens and left 80 OTHER girls behind to their destruction. he's not superman, but there was no true redemption after being shown such an injustice. clearly i have just found the issue that sparks so much anger inside of me. injustice- cannot handle it. i can't shrug it off so i'll write it off. look it some of the amazing synonyms of passion:
agony
anger
DISTRESS
ecstasy
fervor
FIRE
FRENZY
FURY
heat
indignation
intensity
IRE
joy
misery
OUTBURST
rage
rapture
SPIRIT
temper
wrath
calm..... antonym.
before this movie happened to shit upon my happy creative mood, i was enjoying a fine and dandy prayer walk with 7 other metro mercy members... the spirit was with us and among us and in us, and we walked and talked and prayed. it was amazing. we came to a building that's not being used, that suits all of our needs as a church body. and RIGHT in the HEART of residential downtown. the perfect place to get integrated into a community and start spreading the love and igniting unity among any division. we prayed some more and on the window i was shown the most wonderful picture... (see previous post) what i feel God made me realize is that there are so many things we focus on and strive for, making our marks in the world through the crap that's been thrown on the window. it was amazing... beautiful dust graffiti with unreadable flawless design, names like voltron and gwen, all connected and graceful, and humbly off to the side was 'Jesus is Lord'; and though it may have been off to the side, it was connected and part of the rest. they were in each other and of each other and in that moment nothing seemed more right.
giant sigh.
hope restored, angst subdued... in these moments music can't get loud enough..
agony
anger
DISTRESS
ecstasy
fervor
FIRE
FRENZY
FURY
heat
indignation
intensity
IRE
joy
misery
OUTBURST
rage
rapture
SPIRIT
temper
wrath
calm..... antonym.
before this movie happened to shit upon my happy creative mood, i was enjoying a fine and dandy prayer walk with 7 other metro mercy members... the spirit was with us and among us and in us, and we walked and talked and prayed. it was amazing. we came to a building that's not being used, that suits all of our needs as a church body. and RIGHT in the HEART of residential downtown. the perfect place to get integrated into a community and start spreading the love and igniting unity among any division. we prayed some more and on the window i was shown the most wonderful picture... (see previous post) what i feel God made me realize is that there are so many things we focus on and strive for, making our marks in the world through the crap that's been thrown on the window. it was amazing... beautiful dust graffiti with unreadable flawless design, names like voltron and gwen, all connected and graceful, and humbly off to the side was 'Jesus is Lord'; and though it may have been off to the side, it was connected and part of the rest. they were in each other and of each other and in that moment nothing seemed more right.
giant sigh.
hope restored, angst subdued... in these moments music can't get loud enough..
dust fingers
where we write all that we know, all that we care... etched into the future from the past and present, scraping and clinging to the things that have made us who we are. names, faces, symbols of everything we have ever understood, stroking the glass and revealing a way for all to look through, but not to follow. everyone else enlists a fulfilled deviation from the rest, linking together the beautiful mess with focused passion. we spell out what we know, but what we form is something we will never comprehend. we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.
resonate rapture.
jericho prayer.
justice plea.
hands open.
resonate rapture.
jericho prayer.
justice plea.
hands open.
Jan 6, 2010
samesies
list. LEGIT list. for actual things i actually have to do. this will help me remember since there is no pen around for me to scrawl on the back of my hand.
1) wake up. -f***! really? jk i love waking up.
2) go to school, get a studio and start awesomeing things out. -this is super exciting, because i've been studio deprived from last semester and having a space AT school to store/work on/get critique on work seems a vast improvement from basement isolation. also stoked for a fresh set of ideas to start sorting through.
3) kensington. -second resume's to: the house, and higher ground. also must go get 'treasure island' from used book store, and potentially inquire at the rocket about iron-on material for future shirts and sweatpants.
4) oil change. -it's time scout. it's time. for the trip to edmonton this weekend, the fact that you've been sitting still for 3 weeks, and pre-road trip conditioning for san diego.
5) grocery shopping. -there's not a lot worse than being hungry with nothing to satisfy it. guilt free of course... roommates always have food but now i've accumulated bread debt. maybe some beer as good attitude reward for a good productive day so far.
6) clean room. -for real, not just tidy. a true, deep, down under clean. this couch i'm on hasn't moved since i moved in. the first time. mebe some 'for kicks' fung shuea or however you spell it. room alignment never seemed like such a fun idea. mebe i'll find treasures.
7) letter writing. -i have fallen off of this train in the michigan travels... time to catch up. including a rebuttal to a double sided 5 pager from the lovely joanna of switzerland.
8) drawing. -various projects for various people in various countries for various levels of happiness giving.
9) roommating. -get back in touch with the fellahs/bran. /... replace bran since she's opting out in a month.
10) avoid sin and conformity to 'sleep' routines. -hand check! don't sleep, it's only 4am! WHAT IF YOU WANTED TO SEE THE SUNRISE?! sleep will ruin this potential.
i feel successful already. oh look, a pen
1) wake up. -f***! really? jk i love waking up.
2) go to school, get a studio and start awesomeing things out. -this is super exciting, because i've been studio deprived from last semester and having a space AT school to store/work on/get critique on work seems a vast improvement from basement isolation. also stoked for a fresh set of ideas to start sorting through.
3) kensington. -second resume's to: the house, and higher ground. also must go get 'treasure island' from used book store, and potentially inquire at the rocket about iron-on material for future shirts and sweatpants.
4) oil change. -it's time scout. it's time. for the trip to edmonton this weekend, the fact that you've been sitting still for 3 weeks, and pre-road trip conditioning for san diego.
5) grocery shopping. -there's not a lot worse than being hungry with nothing to satisfy it. guilt free of course... roommates always have food but now i've accumulated bread debt. maybe some beer as good attitude reward for a good productive day so far.
6) clean room. -for real, not just tidy. a true, deep, down under clean. this couch i'm on hasn't moved since i moved in. the first time. mebe some 'for kicks' fung shuea or however you spell it. room alignment never seemed like such a fun idea. mebe i'll find treasures.
7) letter writing. -i have fallen off of this train in the michigan travels... time to catch up. including a rebuttal to a double sided 5 pager from the lovely joanna of switzerland.
8) drawing. -various projects for various people in various countries for various levels of happiness giving.
9) roommating. -get back in touch with the fellahs/bran. /... replace bran since she's opting out in a month.
10) avoid sin and conformity to 'sleep' routines. -hand check! don't sleep, it's only 4am! WHAT IF YOU WANTED TO SEE THE SUNRISE?! sleep will ruin this potential.
i feel successful already. oh look, a pen
Jan 5, 2010
bow to the left, step to the right, repeat
for such a time as this, i came prepared. 'ready' is the most valid word ever at this precise moment. before it turns into impatient, unsteady, nit-picky or bored. what would happen if i wasn't all set and good to go? i could miss it. for me, it would become the biggest tragedy ever to befall my existence. selfishly, of course. for the greater good, who can tell. but maybe they WOULD be able to tell and maybe it WOULDN'T be selfish.
Jan 3, 2010
quarters in the urinal
of course it would seem to get to anything of value we have to wade through piss. the stains that never leave us, reeking of the filth we end up going through to get it. and in the end we'll remember how we got what we wanted instead of what we ended up with anyways.
but the story goes on. the treasure remains worth the wait. worth the fuss. worth the shit. the unrequited nature of it all, descending upon us like spirit looking for an empty vessel. we WILL have it, but long before it becomes something we can touch, we'll recognize and know it always had us first.
we ride abandoned trails, announcing our departure to no one, and expecting no greeting upon the place in which we'll arrive. destined and true, it won't have to be like the beginning or middle of the book. and the end is something we've all read, but have never experienced. no one will ever know what it's really like because no one will ever be us.
the clouds of design sprinkling down the remnants of something purely authentic and genuine, leaving the questions to be answered for a time when no one is asking. whatever broken battered pieces we carry with us, we'll be allowed to see how they've been refined as they come together in perfect unison, every cracked filled with every bruise received.
what value and truth then will we know, after willing ourselves to take upon the sacrifice and surrender of what we righteously desired. our monetary expense given purpose just by being sought after in the darkest of places. we can't be spent if we don't allow ourselves to be found.
but the story goes on. the treasure remains worth the wait. worth the fuss. worth the shit. the unrequited nature of it all, descending upon us like spirit looking for an empty vessel. we WILL have it, but long before it becomes something we can touch, we'll recognize and know it always had us first.
we ride abandoned trails, announcing our departure to no one, and expecting no greeting upon the place in which we'll arrive. destined and true, it won't have to be like the beginning or middle of the book. and the end is something we've all read, but have never experienced. no one will ever know what it's really like because no one will ever be us.
the clouds of design sprinkling down the remnants of something purely authentic and genuine, leaving the questions to be answered for a time when no one is asking. whatever broken battered pieces we carry with us, we'll be allowed to see how they've been refined as they come together in perfect unison, every cracked filled with every bruise received.
what value and truth then will we know, after willing ourselves to take upon the sacrifice and surrender of what we righteously desired. our monetary expense given purpose just by being sought after in the darkest of places. we can't be spent if we don't allow ourselves to be found.
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