Christmas. some weddings. most wedding things. the lack of mail going about this place. lists riddled with expectations and the irrationality that accompanies them. relationships in general. Christmas music.
but there are a lot of things i don't think are stupid.
like art. music. those times when you smile at something stupid in your head, but nobody else is around. little victories. the first time for many things. snow/skate/surf-ing. a justified and properly witty use of the word fuck. when you feel like a thug because you're listening to hip hop. packing...
most importantly in THIS instant, here is a vie, a sigh, a try, and a why.
a vie: i am putting forth an effort to become jeff conrad's best man. i think i'll get it, BUT be there any competition... let yourself be warned, i'm going to destroy your mundane efforts. first you will receive a letter, VIA POST- LIKE A BOSS, listing all of your deepest flaws and insecurities and how they pertain to your status as non best man, as well as a perfectly written essay justifying why i am suited for this circumstance, ending with 'lawyered.' and a personal invitation to 'beer me, bitch.' with regards from your brother with love, me. and then i'll put forth all effort in activity and infiltration to make j-con feel like the baddest of all groom asses. because it's all about him.
a sigh: day dreaming about meeting a girl in florida. she's a beach bum, californian in attitude and stature (you know what you are thinking and we are thinking the same thing) who happens to have very little family in florida therefore no major ties. i'll steal her back to canada BUT WAIT! she can't enter the country just yet, so we gotta get married and she happens to hate tradition, so we hit up a back alley priest and find some homeless witnesses to validate our union then we steal each other back to canada and live in the dalhouse and start this community living thing FOR REALSIES and nobody backs out. so my ambi-coast babe has my babies and people are all like 'you raise your community living families together for real?!' and we retort, as scripted 'yeah we full house that shit.' and when i snap out of this daydream, i get real sad but REAL hopeful for the future. can't wait to brag about getting wifey pregnant.
a try: the work week begins. i asked for this situation. a painting pending, a sale pending, and a debt lingering because scout needed new everything. it's in my control to a measure, and once that measure is exhausted then it's all up to the desire for aesthetic dust collectors to flip some bills. and the try comes in the justification... how long can i do this, what happens when there's no more dust to collect or it's more than just my mouth to feed? i shouldn't worry because i asked for it, and i've got it, so i'm gonna keep doing it. my try is to bring the Kingdom and maintain the real measure of my surrender. less flags more umbrellas.
a why: i'll answer this after i see the manatees. because project manatee is almost upon me and aside from the One it's gonna be about finding out what's next.
