my standardized rebellion

i have one mighty booboo on my knee. its gonna scab up super nice and give me something awful to pick at for the next few weeks. thank you warriorball at theatre b. i didn't even know until i meandered down my leg to look at my tattoo.. flaking skin.. carpet burnt flesh resisting the smooth caress of denim... (shudders) showering will suck. i can't rightly call it anything more than a booboo because anything else would be giving it too much credit as a cause for pain. the only true pain i've felt lately is when yellow fell from the log and got lost for 3 months in 'far from home'. broke me like an unconfident man with a wench of a woman. wench of course being firm in her iron grip that she holds on her man. tis not a relationship, tis a prison! puzzle pieces yo. <- detroit says what?

it is at this moment approximately 504 hours until the day i leave for NZ. its is approximately 17-19 more hours on top of that until i leave detroit on a plane. THEN the real game begins.. i'm giddy already at the feeling i always get just after goodbyes are made and i'm alone and travelling. except this time is gonna be exponential to the point of leg spasms and idiotic grinning, all through security checks and impatient giddiness while waiting for boarding. i have mountains of things to 'do' and i'm sure i'll get them done with several sleepless nights and constant dives into movies and eardrum beatings. and possibly willing friends. and the PLACES im gonna go to before i even leave.. i just got back from 5 days in the lovely upland, indiana at taylor university visiting my brother. it was his birthday, and now he is 21. scary. next week, i trip down through indy again and end up in washington DC for a few nights. then back home, where i thought i'd be going to visit david at MSU but apparently he's super busy and won't be there. i still might go... but he won't be there... then back to taylor for another weekend of tea parties and alleged 'sleep'. naps for sure.. with rachel and possibly lauren. eric will maybe get to keep emily for the summer at this point.. then one more 4-5 day session at home with the lovely parents before i'm off for '6' months. hehehhehee....

and mr wang is coming to visit for a week. holy excited.

pout and louder

always when unexpected. walking the high wire, without even knowing how high it is. there can't be anything to lose because this wire can only be walked once. sometimes it's low to the ground, other times it reaches so high no rescue could come to the aid of impending disaster. maybe patience has paid off too well, maybe the options given are too good, and maybe neither are right. not even to say that the options even exist in the first place. a victim of circumstance, or a product of coincidence. the end will always be the same but a different era will linger afterward with either choice. intrigue blinded and guided by reckless discovery, and achievement blasted away by compromise. what's written cannot be read because it's only on page 22. never ceasing distraction. who thought potential success could do more damage than failure. always after, there will be time. never now, the time is running out too fast. time lines within time lines offer a more stable dictation.

wide eyed and buggered out. but so happy.

spout and flounder

hmm yes, two words that i can use to describe myself. you want to know my favorite thing that has captured my attention and has been carried on in conversation as a quote? i must say it'd be JUDAS! i really have nothing else to say. i'm bored. both my brothers are gone back to school. now comes the long challenge of staying sane whilst living at home with a few social moments and lots of lonely art to make. avoiding depression and sin, and keeping up the happiness, creativity and wanderlust that keeps me going. mmmmmm lusty... montreal is calling.

blueberries and owls

OHHH GOOOOOSH my insides are burning. this was the case on the night previous to the present, and i threw it away like it was pizza and grease and pop that did it. BUT IT WAS BLUEBERRIES! fruit-related overdoses suck. i can't just poop it out. i have to suck it up and let it pass. i need a few rounds of the greatest game in canada to distract me. uuugh. waiting for paint to dry slays me. my bodily functions become way more... noticable. this one time (pfft like all times) i was painting and i had peed in my pants but didn't even notice. untrue story. but think about it. passionate distractions warrant bodily ignorance. my vision is bubbling as well. like a lighter hit of acid or something. simply sleep related. did you know at this point in my day i've only been awake 14 hours and 28 minutes? i do think, nay, know, that this is rediculous. shame on me for shaming being awake and alert and productive. my dreams are far less interesting than real life. minus.... when i have to kill things/people. those are far too scarring to be un-interesting. but at least i'm productive in my dreams. who will work out with me when the little brother goes?! i'll have to have him write me a list of things that will destroy my body into thinking its stronger before he leaves me to leave him. one republic has my heart right now. so do girl. and NZNZNZNZNNZNZNZNZNZNZNZNNZNZNZNZNNZNZNZNZ. i saw surfing on tv today. and i thought, man, i get to evangelize to people. and meet swell new people. and get to live in a different culture. AND surf! God must surely love me. goldfish are easy to get sick of. especially when they are blasted with pizza flavour. its good, dang good, but my tastebuds have surrendered. they want... MOUNTAIN DEW! even though i don't 'drink' pop, i still put it in my body and then purge it later. like. 2 stomachly burning times a week. sometimes its necessary. its its its its its its its. it's. lame.

hmm.

seems to me i'm only as strong as my willingness to find accountability. i'm useless if i try anything for myself. i keep forgetting about the one thing that matters.

playing sardines at 1am is a solid way to attract police

it was a good 2009 beginning.