i'm not crying...

and if i am crying... its because there's a friend of mine, who's dying, that's right dying. or maybe i've come across a problem i can only fix by changing myself... or perhaps because its 4am and i'm not all that tired and if i sleep its cuz its to pass time... or because 'its' isn't a word but i use it so very often... maybe if i hadn't of watched pearl harbor three seconds ago and witnessed the part where rafe says to danny 'your gonna be a daddy. i wasn't sposed to tell you..' an then danny goes 'no. you are' an then dies in rafes arms, then, then maybe i wouldn't be crying... some understanding on my families sake would make the tears flow less.. then again so would being less selfish and loving... crying a lot now because i'm thinking about calgary... but not crying actually no no because i'm going to NZ.. good thingsagonna happen there... i want to spill.