a merger

and i think... that either way i'll still be missing something. because in the search for convenience i've created the ability for two personas. possibly schizophrenic or escapist in nature, or possibly just living some pseudo enlightened fantasy of superhero mysticism. two identities?! how could i not. but my name is still tyler. and i still will be missing something.

but maybe i'll write in two different ways! the past now history applebomber, still reliving and striving for fictional narratives of justice and heartache... and the present and future arsonist, constantly questioning and disrupting the flow of my own predictable stream of consciousness and relentless and reckless pursuits of the heart. ... . either way the flow of words and thoughts and actions all slide and smash headlong into the brick wall known as uncertainty... the archaic notion that i can actually predict and understand my future. brought into the brutal reality that i have very little control. maybe how hard i kick against the current.. but eventually i'll succumb.

i hate self analysis. now i've gone and praddled (word.) off two almost-paragraphs of mentally unhealthy sounding t-jargon that i'll read in a few months and judge 'oh you emo bastard...'. but to future tyler i say... eat it. heed my warning and don't do what you know you want to do but knowing what will happen. you're still stubborn as shit and that shouldn't change. but just remember OH remember the 5th of november (it's andrew's birthday) and to hold fast to the fire you swore to let consume you. if your hands aren't burning anything then you need some fuel. at least from space they might be able to see the little fireball you produce.

all these stories in my head i should probably pound out. for you. for me. for US (dramatically grabs chest and a brick from the wall). my planning and plotting in my words. my poetry is in my actions.

(cue convicting antagonistic lyrics)