one female nerd friend (though i'm sure 'geek' is a more accurate term, but screw it, let's blur those lines) of mine showed me this barbarically amazing website-
http://www.geekologie.com/
and because of her/YOU i have stumbled across a whole big mess of things i didn't know i actually loved (like the return of f***ing censorship). one being vlogs. of people i don't know, which sucks because i won't ever meet them. but they are wonderful and creative and (ten bucks if you can tell me who i found alexandra, and or whom am slightly embarrassed to be intrigued with (BUT CAN'T HELP IT!!!)) contagiously happy people, who just spout whatever they want onto the web for people to hopefully watch and listen to. AND THEY DO! and i don't know why. but that's hot. and i am attracted to that shit. and now all of the sudden i have more things to kill time with. FOR SHAME! living the dream of gaining the attention that is so attractive on a superficial level... yet so satisfying when acknowledged.
it reminds me of the time i used to skateboard down hills and ... attempt to rant about whatever was on my mind whilst i maintained balance. if nobody ever would have commented, i want to think that i would've kept going. but it sure did make me feel good when a comment or two of joyful interaction awaited me the next morning. it makes me think what i am actually seeking with my actions... my doings.. when i am being. maybe vying for that attention is the reaction to the thrill of relationship. it's like a solo paint show vs. a mosh pit. i love the intimacy and intention behind setting aside valuable time for showing off what i sometimes do, but i love the primal loss of body control when a good song is playing and my interaction is totally impersonal but intentional because without people to be bashing into, it'd just be me dancing around like a fool by myself (which is fine, but other fools sure help maximize the loss of dignity and the acceleration of adrenaline). the disjointed and un-concluded POINT is, my actions are heavily influenced by the reaction i get TO those actions, whether participatory or observant. and thus makes me think i could not get the same joy out of life if i chose to do it alone.
i am an extrovert. plain and simple. at a party, i don't need alcohol to get all tipsy and hyper and loud (if you could call me a water balloon, liquor would be the soapy lubrication around the latex as you tried to throw me), people do that to me. there are a bunch of design students upstairs working. their work bores me. but THEY intrigue me and because i sat in a room watching a tv with them i am hyper beyond justification, and unable to sleep. i wasn't hungry but i ate waffles anyways so i could spend another 12 minutes with them. staring. but being. i heard a cliche quote the other day... we're human beings, not human doings. which makes me think- why am i doing anything beyond interacting with other be-ers around me?! i haven't thought of an answer to that other than i am an introvert as well, and those instances are moments to satisfy that far less demanding side of my soul.
and... i just... proved my own ADD. which i find i do a LOT lately.. i start something, any task really, and while i keep it in my head in absolute focus, one wee little thing comes up and interrupts my precious flow and i can't help but follow that distraction until closure, and then find myself curious as to what i was doing, then get back to it EVENTUALLY because another 7 distractions happen to me. and i get the task done, believe you me. but. i'm beginning to laugh at myself a lot at the amount of time i spend trying to remember what i was doing and what i needed to say 3 minutes ago. i wonder the process other people go through to follow a thought through to completion. i must document this somehow.. also, nerd girls with tattoos are like... unnngh.. unfair to my motivation to maintain female sobriety. hopefully this inability to stick with one thing doesn't transfer over into my pursuits of actual girl. s. no. i debunk that right now. i am ferociously and self-containingly loyal to the idea of a girl. and i can't let it go until closure is achieved. is that wrong? or limiting? why did i ever pray for patience... cuz i've got it. i don't need more. k. k. k. i've ACTUALLY got it. formula for happiness.
(under the context of bringing the Kingdom and trying to love Christ)
get inspired by shit. create shit. share created shit. intake more shit. output more shit. ))<>(( is FAR more genius that i gave it credit for... cripes. marry. have kids. teach them to make shit.
time moves really fast when i get this excited. it frightens me but doesn't frustrate me like time travel. or make me anxious like submarines. if there is EVER a movie about a time travelling submarine, i already choose to not watch that. worst ever. which reminds me about another little something that infuriates me... but i forget right now. but oh man is it devastating. AHA! it's not being able to hear clearly. like if the tv is too quiet or if people are talking too closely to what i am listening to. it ruins minutes.
speaking of which...
asking alexandria- a lesson never learned. this is one of those songs that instantly took me by surprise, and will likely be in the top ten at the end of 2011 on my list. someone today also called me obsessed with frisbee. i chose to reword it as passionate. i LOVE ultimate. i truly do. that's why i can't afford to be obsessed with it. that is an unhealthy way to asphyxiate my other passions.
i reread the word ostentatious today and thought to myself... that is a mighty impressive sounding word. very impressive indeed. but i do not know how to define this word. i just looked it up:
-adjective
1.
characterized by or given to pretentious or conspicuous show in an attempt to impress others: an ostentatious dresser.
2.
(of actions, manner, qualities exhibited, etc.) intended to attract notice: Lady Bountiful's ostentatious charity.
.............................. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeasy waytooappropriatewordforthistopic..
No comments:
Post a Comment