delightful assailants

it's those nit-picky things... that get you on or turn you off (do not reverse it). the little joys we find in little situations that make us feel explosions of happiness on the inside, or the little urine puddles we notice on society that make us mentally slander, swear or judge. calling these things either love or hate would be inaccurate, because they don't have that power, BUT these little suckers do have a say over our emotions and sometimes even moods. to be fair, lets call them smiles and frowns.

frowns:
when grumpy old men swear at the gas station attendant- i don't feel at all ok with some crank walking in yelling at the dude behind the till to 'turn on the f***ing gas machine!! i'm unpleasant and demand to be treated as a superior because i'm older and white and don't understand pre-pay therefore justified in belittling your intelligence and letting people who don't care know i mean business!! mrah!!'

masturbation- for the times the battle gets lost to the lies of the fallen one. 'but it's natural' what?! get behind me satan. God forgive me, next never-ending battle, beginnith! ah flip i lost again! very sneaky devil! very sneaky indeed. God give me radar for this. battle on! cripes! another trick! where did that self control end up? (subtlety addition to smiles: victory)

feeling weak or debilitated- walking with shoulders diagonal is a strange coping method for pain without realizing it. not working out and being able to lose fights to kittens. (or so it feels). laying down shouldn't be hard EVER.

people leaving each other- cmon rachel weisz! marky mark needs you more than ever and you are fleeing! SUPPORT ONE ANOTHER!!! guaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!!!

no milk- waking up, pouring a nice big delicious bowl of cereal, opening the fridge, and cursing the world.

the female orgasm sounding during music- i don't care how rockstar you are... keep that in the bedroom, and not in your silly stupid juvenile music. i'm talkin to you, '80s. grow up. you weren't/aren't cool.


smiles:
girls in sweatpants- there is nothing cuter/more attractive. and i'm not talking lululemon temptress-pants. nice, baggy, adorable sweats. major bonus points for just woke up/no make-up or earrings. i'm bout to nab you in a blanket and couch cuddle with you, cuz you know you look great.

paint drips- slow, drawn out formal brush strokes? go masturbate.

swear words in a lighter context- fornicating under consent/command of the king. is it really so rude? it can be an amazing comedic moment in any situation, especially if you save them up and don't use them often so they actually work. forget people who use them excessively, moderation for EVERYTHING. also in songs- if it's rightly justified and not used for shock value or disrespect; i know the lyrics surrounding a good f-bomb better than the rest of the song. makes my brain sing for some reason. i've heard why, but i don't really need to remember why.

attack attack- bad mood? not anymore. screaming metal mixed with electronic? always always yes please. i'm gonna start stating them as the reason for me being so happy after something crappy (ie 'i just got attack attacked!). PLUS super uplifting lyrics.

downloading anything aka the information age- i just watched smokin' aces 2, before it came to theatres. i am forever glad, because it was a steaming pile of poop made for blood-gluttonous anti-story fanatics who don't like to think, but merely like violent stimulus. plus it can help me make good purchasing decisions. but mostly weeds out the garbage.

painting studios- freedom. i don't like to claim ownership over many things, but having MY space at school is so amazing. peer critique, a consistent base of influence, drawing time, reading time, painting time... all piled into one section of a room with two entire 12 hours weekly class time dedicated to it.

writing on walls- it just means so much more. it's so much easier to see than a notebook. reminders actually remind me. plus it has so much potential in it's own existence... brilliantly rebellious, beautifully poetic, unabashedly genuine. i could list and list for at least 20 minutes.

lava monster- what is grounders, on crack tablets of joy? why, it's lava monster. scoping out good playgrounds to play on has never felt so right. i just need to introduce it to the right canadians who don't mind playing in the dark with their eyes closed while people perform dangerous acrobatic stunts across slippery plastic playscapes trying to not get tagged or touch the ground after the 3rd person has been tagged, LEST they become a lava monster themselves. no kids allowed. no shame either. grow down, gentlemen and ladies.

the jef(f(s))- who else can say they have small group with the jeffs? i dare you to top that.

hoods- stone cold sexy. and ideal for shade, wind resistance, identity protection, looking scandalous, visual ignorance, and nap time.