no more half assing it.

23. ambush under repair.

this is where i rest. in my bed. not on the expectation that it's going to work out the way i want.

i did some fun stuff today. grasped being 'productive' in a whole new way. being humble and accepting the challenge of the task i set for myself half a year ago, regardless of the outcome... at least trying to be. i have a lot of pride in the people i associate with. i destroyed my heart and began repairing it again. again. reinforced with a new sense of purpose... or spray foam. whichever is stickier at the beginning. feasted with lovelies and did more intake than desired with the tv... but mostly feasted with lovelies. if it's a sin to enjoy company this much then i don't want to be righteous. plus you know... indian food. damn.

i'm nervous. tomorrow i go to visit the jr high where i'm gonna be visiting as an artist (what?! shit scared) for five days. i get to help them paint a mural. i have no idea what i expect or what i want them to attempt. or if they'll even want to participate or interact with me. i'm immediately intimidated by the thought of young ones that i haven't met yet. but. tomorrow is just where i get to meet them. laced with frisbee- so i get a spot of extra comfort. noooot worried. just. on tenterhooks about it. but minor tenterhooks (because that word shant just be used once). very excited at the potential for this.

lots going on. lots to distract me from the lots going on. d. d d. d dangerzone. i'm naming my daughter lana.